#and I guess Inej smart guy

[happynowyo]

Reflection, part 3

Fandom: Six of crows

Warnings: Kaz Brekker and everything that goes with him

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x Shadow Summoner!OC

Summary: The long-awaited meeting finally happens and Jess is left with choice between what's good and what's right for her

Word count: 2,5k

Tag list: @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy, @valkyrie05x, @parabatai-winchester, @footydais, @valeridarkness

Part 1, Part 2, Part 4

Inej, as the stranger introduced herself, turned out to be part of the Crows, who operated under Kaz Brekker's command. Jess didn't know him, but she'd heard his name dozens of times in the couple of hours she'd spent near the town square.

The guy was a legend among the criminals of Ketterdam, and for some reason she was not surprised that Nina was among his gang. Her passionate nature and love of adventure were bound to lead the Heartrender to something like that.

Jess made good use of her time before they reached the Crow Club, so she managed to get Inej to talk a little and find out details about their activities. The short story about the Crows being involved in the recent events in the Fold and helping Alina made her feel a little more sympathy for them, and judging by the respect shadowed on Inej's face, it was mutual when Jess shared a reciprocal story about helping Alina adapt during her first months in the Little Palace. Her heart was warmed by the pleasant thought that Alina had quietly and peacefully left after the big fight and, as Jess hoped, remained safe.

The memory of her father sent a wave of shivers down her skin, tightly concealed by a black suit that looked more like a man's, but Jess forced herself to clear her mind. In the darkened room with dozens of candles, where there was a cacophony of chatter, laughter, shuffling cards and clinking glasses, her whole body tensed, and her grey eyes scanned the space for nearby exits and guards with a practiced reflex. Inej's smile came out almost modest, but the pride in her eyes was too expressive. Whatever was going on in the Crow Club, that place meant a lot to her and all the other Crows.

Jess straightened in vain to regain the feeling of unshakeable confidence that had left her the moment Baghra had caught her in the bedroom with the story of the Black Heretic and told her to pack her things in a hurry. Everything that had been so dear, so ordered and familiar, had turned to dust, become another shadow, and the new reality still seemed too hostile and unsafe. Jess guessed that the illustrious Kaz Brekker would be a tough, brutal, cold-blooded and damned smart guy as everyone talked about him that way.

What would she offer him in return? What should she even ask him for? Nina was a part of his team, and Jess was definitely not in a position to run anywhere else on her own. She needed some company and support, but the Crows weren't an innocent group of interest. Being an old friend of Nina Zenik wasn't enough to stay with them, and that realization pierced through her, but all despair was instantly displaced when a familiar voice reached her ears.

— Apple pie!

God, Jess had once hated that nickname and had even fought Nina over it a couple of times, but now it sounded like a compliment from heaven. So familiar, in fact, that it brought tears to her eyes for a second.

It wasn't hard to spot Nina at the bar — the bright red hat on her head caught everyone's attention. Jess shortened the distance between them in two great steps, and Nina's warm embrace enveloped her like a fluffy blanket, bringing her joy and relief. Glancing over her friend's shoulder, Jess glimpsed those who were keeping her company — the tall well-built Fjerdan, whose surprise was most noticeable at the moment, and the same couple she'd spotted on the street. A dark skinned guy in a large-checkered jacket standing next to a slightly younger man with exceptionally lively facial expressions and dark hair sticking out amusingly in different directions.

— Am I still dreaming or is it really you? If I am, I hope the next moment a million kruge will fall on me and I'll never have to look at the horribly tasteless suits of these drunks again, — Nina's chirping voice reflected genuine hope, but Jess knew her too well to lose sight of the unease that lurked between the lines. — I'm so glad you finally ran away out of there! How long have you been staying…?

— Ran away? You look too good for someone who has been a prisoner or a hostage. You should have seen how beat up I was when we crossed… — Jesper had the audacity to interrupt the conversation, but quickly cut himself short when Wylan elbowed him lightly in the side with an evident hint. The crowded Crow Club definitely was not the best place to talk about the Fold.

Jess looked around confusedly, trying to find even a single free meter of space, and Inej understood her without a word, gently pulling her to the side and nodding to the left side door. Behind it there was a storeroom with boxes of liquor that stood in almost endless rows, and that's where Jess finally was able to be alone with Nina, having the relief of a semblance of silence.

She could see her friend more closely now, noticing that the years that had passed had added her some beauty and brought certain maturity. Nina was no longer that funny reckless teenager who'd helped her steal Tidemakers' notes or with whom they'd sneaked into the kitchen after lights out when their teachers prohibited them to be at the dinner as a punishment. Jess couldn't wait to talk to her friend about everything that had happened to them in the past few years, but first she had a much more pressing issue to deal with.

— Had Brekker really seen Alina? — she didn't doubt the truth of that statement, but she needed to hear it again to really believe it. Had Kaz seen her father? Had he watched the greedy gleam in the dark eyes of the one with whom she shared blood and power? Jess's gaze ran inquisitively over Nina's face as her palms gripped her shoulders tightly.

— Yes. I swear I was sure he was kidding me, but it was the truth. He snuck into the Little Palace with Inej and Jesper, actually you could have seen them there, during the ceremony.

Jess nodded automatically, hardly giving these words any meaning. When Aleksander stood beside Alina in front of the king and the mass of guests, she was too busy following the tracker Mal and helping Baghra get Alina out of the palace in the safest way possible. Though now she could fully recognize the irony of the situation. She could have escaped even then and ended up in Ketterdam the same way.

— Do you feel something? That connection you had with your father, can you use it again? Everyone says he died in the Fold, but you know that the Darkling is the oldest and the strongest among us. Is that why Baghra sent you here? What happened to her?

Nina was gabbling, caught in apparent excitement, and it made Jess smile fleetly. It was just like the old times.

— Baghra stayed at the Little Palace, but I don't know for how long. We heard the news and she decided we had to play ahead. If my father is alive, he will come for me. For both of us, — the thought of having to kill again for someone else's revenge and pride disgusted her, but the fear of Aleksander's anger was much stronger. — I need to hide for a while. Is Kaz Brekker really as powerful as people bubble on the streets, or should I not expect to sleep peacefully at night under his patronage?

— Kaz is a stubborn cruel weirdo, but he knows his business and he is the smartest man I know. I'm sure he can think of a way to keep you hidden while you're here. He helped me to get Matthias out of jail, even though he doesn't stop poking me about it every time he gets a chance, — Nina rolled her eyes with a chuckle and touched Jess' wrists carefully, making sure not to touch the bare skin near the edge of her jacket. A matter of habit still, no different even after these years. — You could have been a great addition to our team, you know? Any heist would be hundred times easier if we had your shadows at our disposal. But I know it would put you on the trail quickly if anyone outside the Crow Club knew about your abilities.

— Well, I'm still good with knives and hand-to-hand combat. It never hurts to have extra hands, does it? Where can I find Brekker?

— He's locked himself in his office. Opposite door on the right. Maybe I should talk to him first? He always seems indifferent, like he's doing you a favor by listening at all, but you can count on him if you can get him interested.

— You've already done so much for me, Nina. I'm glad you're okay, honestly, I was worried you might have gotten into trouble. Grishas were looking for you after you ran away, my father made sure of that. But now I have to learn to take care of myself, without him or Baghra. I'll find you later, okay? And, Saints, don't call me Apple pie in front of the others, it's outrageous!

Jess laughed briefly and placed a light kiss on Nina's cheek before she slipped out of the storeroom first. The cheerful mood was immediately replaced by the background anxiety, and every step to Kaz Brekker's office seemed long and exhausting, testing her to the limit. The rumors she had heard were enough to know that the Bastard of the Barrel was capable of any cruelty for the right price, and he could easily pass her off for a big sum as the Darkling's daughter or as Grisha with a special talent. He could not be trusted, but Jess had so much fear inside that carrying it alone was utterly unbearable at that moment.

— Jesper, I asked you to be at the door, should I say it in Kaelish or Ravkan so you'll get it sooner?

A harsh bark came from a guy with dark neatly tucked back hair. The sharp cheekbones and dark circles under his eyes from the lack of sleep were the first things Jess managed to notice, stoically holding back the barbed comments. Kaz was literally buried under a mountain of sheets and didn't even deign to look up at the guest, absolutely certain that an orderly tone would suffice.

— Ravkan works fine for me, but I'm surprised the famous Bastard of the Barrel has time to study languages in the midst of constant scheming and eliminating rivals, — her voice remained very formal, scrubbed of any emotions, but there was some amusement dancing in her grey eyes for a second. That only intensified when Kaz Brekker finally looked up, unable to instantly hide his surprise.

— Reception hours are long over. I don't recall seeing you before. How did you get in here?

— Inej brought me. I'm a longtime friend of Nina and I wanted to talk to you about a deal. I need some protection and anonymity, Nina said you were the best candidate in Ketterdam. That you know how to stick to your part of the bargain.

The stranger's businesslike tone didn't fool Kaz. She was clearly desperate or she wouldn't have come directly to him. It was the first time he'd heard of Nina having friends from Ravka, but his first instinct reminded him that she only knew someone in Ravka because of the Little Palace. What were the chances that Grisha came to him so freely? Other people's secret past interested Kaz very little, but he was curious about what he could get in return for his services.

— What about your part? There are many ways to save someone's life and many corresponding risks, — in another life Kaz might have been a great honest merchant who would never miss out on a good deal. But in that life his brain had already begun diligently calculating his options. He thought of the ship's departure schedule and went over the names of loyal Dregs he could have let go as an escort for a while. But his guest's reply threw him off balance, sending a questioning wrench into his eyebrows.

— I want to stay here. At the Crow Club or wherever you all live. You're one of the most dangerous men in Ketterdam, but more importantly, you're astonishingly clever. The closer I am to you, the more chances I have of safe few months. Besides, I missed Nina a lot, we used to be a good team.

That was pure insanity — that's what they both thought at the same time. She assumed Kaz was so powerful and yet did she naively believe that he would let some stranger be in his way every day?

— What will happen next? In a few months? Will you go back to Ravka or go somewhere else to find another fool? I sense a catch before I even know the details.

— People don't seek protection for nothing, Kaz Brekker. You may have forgotten the feeling, but some of us still fear for our lives when someone threatens us. After a while the situation will become clearer and I can either go back to Ravka or escape to Novyi Zem or Shu Han to steer the danger away and keep you out of trouble because of me, — Jess replied more sharply than she had planned and sighed deeply, dabbing her gaze into the left dark corner where shadows appeared for a moment threatening to grow bigger.

It wasn't safe to stay in Ketterdam. If her father remained alive, he would come here, and neither Kaz Brekker nor all the Saints would save her. But she still had the illusion of freedom, the illusion of choice, and she clung to it as best as she could. Her palm dipped into the deep pocket of her jacket, and the next moment Jess carefully set down an exquisite necklace of weighty emeralds braided on a gold chain on the table in front of Kaz. The yearning squeezed her heart at the memory of how Aleksander had given it to her two years ago.

— It is an old relic from a previous royal dynasty. From the Little Palace, if you care for details. You can sell it for about three hundred thousand kruge if you find some good trader. Would that be a decent payment for you? — Jess was tormented by the feeling that she was selling herself at that moment. As well as her attachment to her father, her hope and her fond memories. There was a grim determination on her face, and she knew she wasn't going to leave that place without Brekker's consent. Unfortunately, he understood that, too.

— You said you and Nina were a team. What can you do? You don't look like a Heartrender.

— Name at least three other Heartrenders, besides Nina, that you know.

— You are too straightforward. Inferni? — Kaz leaned back in his chair more relaxed and twirled the necklace thoughtfully in his gloved palm. He wished he had been able to bring the trophy back from the Little Palace, so now he was pleased to see such a piece. Especially with such a high value, that he got for nothing in essence.

— Keep guessing, Kaz Brekker, but know that I prefer not to use my powers. They will lead me into troubles. But I can fight and use knives. I can help you with your dirty business so I don't have to sit here with boredom though your team looks pretty packed as it is. How'd you get that big guy, by the way? He looks like a Fjerdan and he's a long way from home then.

— Nina brought him in and I was quite satisfied with his service. Perhaps it will be the same with you.

Kaz's lips curved slightly in an approving smile, and he stood up, showing that they had come to some conclusion after all.

— I'll think about what you can do for the team. There's a spare room on the third floor at the end of the hallway in the Slat, near Inej's. Welcome to Ketterdam, …?

— Oh, it's Jess, sorry, — she caught her breath and finally introduced herself with a playful curtsey. It was hard for her to stop the rush of joy, as now she was given a chance to have some real peace and a possible occupation beyond her endless paranoia. — You won't regret it, I promise.

Part 4

[dhampiravidi]

Shadow and Bone S2 E6 Thoughts

So uh, how many of these episodes have I watched today?? 😅

If the Fold’s made of shadow…why is it full of lightning?

Ok, so I already know what happens in the books, but: 1) lol what if Alina got rid of the Fold but made some burning flame wall & turned evil? & 2) I hate myself but when Dominik said “my heart can beat again” my instinct was to make him Nikolai’s boyfriend/king consort

Is it me, or do a lot of this season’s costumes give me some pirate vibes? 🏴‍☠️😌 yo ho!

Baghra really does not give a single fuck ♥️

Aleksander is a murderous dude. But HOLY SHIT HE USED THE CUT LIKE A SITH LORD

Wylan, bb, don’t you think they’d open the door if they could? *sighs* meanwhile, where’s the lady the Crows are stealing from? Getting Jamba Juice?

Wait, so…Alina couldn’t hear a STONE DOOR close & she couldn’t see a 6’ foot tall guy in black standing in her peripheral? 👀 also Baghra’s 1 of the only smart people as usual—

Ah, the Shu woman’s back…and ofc she’s Grisha (I thought she was just a badass fighter). KICK HER ASS, INEJ—or Tolya can stop her heart—or…nvm 😶

Is there a reason why the thief lady is kicking everyone’s ass? I heard the “trace metal” thing, but…does she have an amplifier?? WHY CAN THREE GRISHA NOT BEAT HER?

Didn’t expect that *insert me laughing as Baghra cuts Aleksander’s hand off after she commanded the nichevo’ya bc DAMN that was some unexpected shit* 😂

not me getting teary when Sankta Neyar reveals her husband & who she is 😔 “two worlds make a universe” oof—WAIT. So since Grisha only remain healthy while they keep summoning regularly, does that mean she makes sure to summon a lot? Hmm…

So Aleksander & Inej BOTH decided that hope screws with your head in the SAME EPISODE 👀 welp, so much for Kaz x Inej I guess

& here’s the “let’s have sex bc we never will otherwise” Mal x Alina scene 😒 *sighs* I wish I gave a shit about Mal. I’d actually feel bad for him. Anyway—

tbh that was a cool episode. & now Aleksander has a classy metal hand. Ooh, he’s Anakin Skywalker (my 1st fictional crush 🥰)!

[arillusionist]

reaction to the last 3 eps of s&b - im doing it all at once bc i wanna get it over with considering im gonna be rlly sad watching these knowing we'll never get a real ending.

also YES i was heartbroken over the cancellation even tho i hadnt finished the show. im emotionally attached to the books okay!! leave me alone

oh this is the hallucination scene i've heard too much about

the fucking BUTTERFLIES

bye not wylan's overly dramatic ass

"a village boy cut in half by a plow blade" isnt that literally what happened to kaz's dad

"hope is an illusion. a lie" hes such a kaz ripoff

oh i didnt think tolya had a hallucination i've never heard anyone talk about it

whos blood is that im gonna guess tamar

why am i so smart like

if they rush jesper's developement with one hallucination im gonna be mad

what happened i cant tell. he better not have rejected her again or whatever ugh theyre so cute tho

WOW i love how they always go from established relationships to some angsty kanej scene.

love how he doesnt stare at her lovingly or shit hes just fucking glaring she knows her man fr

oh never mind the soft voice is crazy

uh ya i didnt want to make assumptions until now but making inej's hallucation about kaz was Not it.

like in a way ik its about how she wants consent but its mainly so she can leave kaz at the end of the show kaz kaz kaz its always about kaz

this is why we needed the spinoff they couldve FIXED it

"erm they shouldnt have done it wrong in the first place" how righteous of you unfortunately im too emotionally attached to the characters so i wish they had another chance

ok bad choice aside her realizing its not real bc she knows kaz could never be like that or even try is kinda heartbreaking!! 🙂

oh hell no did she eat the fucking butterfly i thought it was the petal at first 🤡

"if you have no one left to fight for" and then cutting to inej aaaa

no the way his eyes softened and the way inej stroked his face w her thumb ... and then he realized

okay thank god cuz for a second i thought the crows were gonna js be dead the entire episode

hes the firebird what the fuck?? (sorry chat i havent finished r&r yet)

why does that kinda downplay malina like knowing that they're meant for each other cuz of destiny or some shit

then again they never had to fall in love just find each other they did the romance part on their own

where tf is kaz

oh what the fuck. this scene is so messed up (Talking abt the one where the darkling is holding baghra)

my laptop's screen time is almost up so i must pause unfortunately. i could watch on my phone but thats boring so

uhm so its been 3 days have i been stalling?? maybe 🙂 can you blame me??

is that old guy her husband?? uh

seeing kaz smile for more than a fleeting one second is so unnatural

oh my god oh my god is her whole speech about love not being a weakness gonna make kaz realize something

wow okay they did rush jesper's development with one hallucination

toyla is the #1 wesper shipper fr ‼️‼️💪🏽

"someday someone is going to sweep you of your feet so hard" haha nikolai

"me and my "slab or fur" will be far away, off the map, deep in love" uh babe i hate to tell you this..

not kaz shaking his head at wesper as if hes not the reason theyre together 💀

see here they go butchering inej's character again!!

like. in the books she realizes she needs to let go of kaz because she finds her purpose - hunting slavers. in this she just realizes it because of some fuckass hallucination which was about him Why Is It Always About Him

cant tell if im slightly relieved that they cancelled the spinoff because they might have ruined her more or more mad that they cancelled it because they couldve fixed it

i am eating the malina angst up 🗣️🗣️(not bc i dont like them i do like them thats why i need them to be sad. all my favorite ships need angst)

ooh he knows he knows abt mal

next episode except i have to sleep so im probably gonna watch like 2 minutes of it. but i'll try to finish this and the last one tmrw because the more i delay it the sadder i get about the cancellation though my brain wants me to believe otherwise

she (the tidemaker girl idk her name) looks so ready to punch him like yeah girl me too

help the grin on that one girls face when he says kill the king

ok 2 minutes r over so bye

and im back its only the next day also the deleted footage oh my god im on the floor?? plus the fact that it got "what business" trending on twitter with 33k tweets is so fucking funny to me

anyways.

bye i jumped when the darkling showed up in mal's room why do the smallest fucking things always scare me

oh ya theyre cousins. alina has a type huh

mal would kinda get along with inej i can feel it!!

wait whos the arm for also david is lwk smooth wow

they keep mentioning the crows but WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY its been almost 20 minutes 😐

why that is the only tamar and nadia moment all season like not that i was expecting more from netflix but Still

oh thats the last line from the book (i havent finished r&r yet but i skipped to the end as i do with every book so. lol 💀)

omg matthias i kinda thought he wouldnt show up again

oh god i feel like this show has such a lighting problem sometimes

its bad enough that i have no idea whats going on in general

INEJ

INEJ I MISSED YOU

she gotta stop bowing down to alina she is as much of a saint

did they kill off david and genya wtf

i have to pause for a bit bc my laptop needs to charge also i still have no idea whats going on

back

no theyre (david and genya) alive yay 🙏🏽🙏🏽

what the fuck is he doing

oh OHH now theyre killing him off. how could they do that to genya

the other crows are here FINALLY

when ur entire onscreen developemnt is literally 5 minutes 😍😍👍🏽👍🏽

no i will not stop being salty about jesper. fuck you

"well if you dont die we dont get paid" shdjfk

zoya inej nina the friendship i needed

wow what a beautiful and touching moment. it feels anticlimatic but okay 🙂‼️😐👍🏽‼️💪🏽🤡🗣️🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️😭🙏🏽💪🏽🗣️

oh nvm. i keep forgetting this isnt the last episode

is that a giant CROW

lol of course it isnt

okay now its the last episode :')

"yes my man! oh we havent actually put a label on it" bye that is so jesper of him

oh. wow. she actually did it.

at least inej and zoya are being badass MY GIRLS ‼️‼️

"let me be your monster" stop being such a kaz ripoff please

FINALLY. his villain speech was taking too long

did she use merzost :(

tolya's random ass burst of poetry 💀💀

HE SEES HER

he literally cannot take his eyes off of her

I CANT. I CANT. THEY WANTED TO HUG SO BADLY YOU COULD SEE THE RELIEF IN THEIR EYES KAZ ALMOST SMILED

but she would never know what it was like for him to see nina pull her close watch jesper loop his arm through hers, what it was to stand in doorways and against walls AND KNOW HE COULD NEVER DRAW NEARER

im sick. theyre so sick for this and knowing we'll never get a chance to see them even hold hands. i cant 🙂

they way she moved towards him then moved back killing myself thnx

"five of cro-" bro predicted the ending of ck

not the malina angst too is this show trying to kill me?? i think it is

"i'll claw my way to one. if he'll let me" IM TELLING YOU!! TRYING TO KILL ME

HE LOOKED AT INEJ

SHES HIS HAPPILY EVER AFTER IM SO DONE IM GOING TO THROW MY LAPTOP ON THE FLOOR 😭😭😭😭😭😭

did they kill off david or not omg

i love how the crows just started walking away they were so eager to get out (except nina's lingering glance at zoya)

oh. oh hes going to be to be sturmhond

see hes so much like inej they both leave to the seas to find themselves outside of the person they love because they want a life for theselves and freedom

i reached the text limit imma make a new post

[anthony-sharma]

Six of Crows Reread - Ch. 11

Now an episode by our dear Jesper!

_

Chapter 11: Jesper

“Kaz had warned them to anticipate competition, other teams bent on gaining the prize at any cost, but this was early in the job for things to be going so badly. They were surrounded, at least one man down, a burning ship at their backs. They’d lost their transportation to Fjerda, and if the shots raining down on them were any indication, they were seriously outnumbered. He supposed it could have been worse; they could have been on the boat when it exploded.

[...]

He gave a sharp whistle. Nina glanced over her shoulder, and her gaze found Jesper ’s. He flashed two fingers, twice, and she gave a quick nod. Had she known berth twenty-two was their real destination? Had Inej? Kaz was at it again, playing with information, keeping one or all of them blind and guessing. Jesper hated it, but he couldn’t argue with the fact that they still had a way to get to Fjerda. If they lived to board the second schooner.”

Well Jesper, that basically sums up why Kaz was angry at you the rest of the books. They’re outnumbered, the plan as it was was ruined and new versions of it had to come up and, most importantly, Inej gets injured and almost dies. Of course Kaz, emotionally constipated person that he is, wouldn’t know what to do with his anger. 

And yes Jesper, I think I understand pretty clearly now why he conceals his plans. I mean, it’s not like I’m condoning how Kaz treats Jesper after he finds out that he spilled information, but we can understand that he has a reason why he does it. 

“The boat that blew was a decoy.”

“You knew?”

“No, I took precautions. It’s what I do, Jesper.”

“You could have told us we—”

“That would defeat the purpose of a decoy. Get moving.” Kaz glanced at Wylan, who stood there cradling the rifle like an infant. “And make sure he gets to the ship in one piece.”

And if Kaz had told Jesper that the first Ferolind was a decoy, and he, by mistake, told the other teams about that, now they wouldn’t have had any ships to board so...Kaz was smart (as he usually is).

“Wylan nodded dumbly. His eyes were dazed and wide enough to drink from.”

Ok Jesper, I see what you’re doing. You might be in the middle of a fight but that doesn’t prevent you from noticing...things. Like how wide and drinkable your future BF’s eyes are, for example. 

“Not smart, Jesper thought. Do not turn your back on an angry Fjerdan. Helvar looked like he was seriously considering shooting her. Jesper lifted his revolver, prepared to bring the giant down. Then Helvar was standing next to Nina, aiming into the maze of crates beyond. Just like that they were fighting side by side. Had Kaz left Matthias bound with Nina deliberately? Jesper could never tell how much of what Kaz got away with was smarts and planning and how much was dumb luck.”

And you know what’s f*cked up? That in CK, Matthias never turned his back on Joran and the guy still shot him. So a Fjerdan (and a drüskelle) are deadly either way, even if he ends up being a teenager, like the one who kills Matthias later on. 

However, what I love is what Kaz later remarks on, and that’s that Matthias stinks of decency. Even having the perfect opportunity to end Nina right there and blame it on the gangs shooting at them (for example) or just owning up to it, he knows that there’s something bigger than them that needs taken care of and forgets his grudge to her to defend himself first. 

On a last point, I think Jesper nails it when he says that he doesn’t know if what Kaz gets away with is smarts or dumb luck, because I think not even Kaz knows sometimes. 

“Every one of his senses felt as if it was on fire. Definitely better than a winning streak at the tables.

He didn’t stop to rest. He hooked his bad leg in the rigging, ignoring the pain, checked the sight on his rifle, and began picking off anyone in range.”

You know what? I like how Matthias is very perceptive about the rest of the Crows. I remember when he mentions later on in SoC (or CK, I don’t remember) that there are several types of sicknesses and implies that Jesper’s “sickness” might just present itself differently than others. Because man, if you come alive when you just receive a bullet wound and might die at any second...I think something’s wrong with you. And of course that’s because not using his powers causes something in Grisha, and it’s not really his fault, but how he was brought up, but still. He’s clearly suffering from the effects. 

“Jesper!”

I’m going to kill that little idiot. “What do you want?” he shouted down.

“Close your eyes!”

“You can’t kiss me from down there, Wylan.”

Omg my man’s got rizz! He can even flirt when facing death. He and Nina could indeed flirt the entirety of Ketterdam into submission. 

Next up, we find out where Inej has been during the fight.

[fics-n-stuff]

Home - Pt 2

For @glowstick-lesbian, request here

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x Reader

Summary: After Y/N finally gets out hiding, it's time to sit down with Kaz and talk through whatever it is that's going on between them.

Word Count: 5.1k

Warnings: Brief talk of Jordie and Kaz's trauma and touch aversion

A/N: Wow this ended up being longer than I intended! I'm so sorry it's taken so long, I was focused on The Bastard's Shadow and Affluenza pts1 + 2, and then I started picking up more shifts at work and got writers block at the same time. I really hope you like how it turned out!! ❤❤

Pt1 here

After the very enlightening visit from Kaz, the days seemed to drag on even slower than before. The next two months went by in a crawl, and no matter how much you buried yourself in work you couldn’t distract from the longing you felt to get out of your apartment.

When your messenger came to deliver the news that your pursuers were willing to come to a truce you had been so happy that you’d gone straight to pour yourself a glass of whisky to celebrate. From then, you counted down the days until the meeting that you set up, the result of which should mean that you were free to roam the city again.

Inej had shown you how to get out of the window and onto the roof months ago. It was your escape route in case of an emergency, but you had used it every now and then just to sit on the roof and enjoy a taste of the outside world. That night, you had climbed out with intention and dressed in your finest coat.

You travelled over the rooftops towards the Government district, where your meeting had been arranged to take place near the Stadhall. The presence of the stadwatch would serve to protect you in case the deal went south.

You had been jittery with a mix of anxiety and excitement when you descended to street level and wended your way through the streets to find three men waiting for you at the Stadhall, all of them tall, broad and commanding. Barrel businessmen that you had crossed one too many times, and no doubt they had been angered that forcing you into hiding hadn’t put a stop to your business.

You were too smart to have not found a way around it; you had to be to run the business that you did. You owned three boarding houses and two bars in the Barrel and two ships that brought in imports from Ravka and Novyi Zem, a squaller as a permanent fixture on the crew of each to whom you paid a fair salary. You’d had Kaz put them under the protection of the Dregs to keep them safe from slavers. On top of all of that, you used your contacts in Ravka, Novyi Zem and other parts of Kerch to help get kids out of the Barrel and into honest work elsewhere. You might operate from the criminal underbelly of Ketterdam, but you made a mostly honest living.

The meeting took longer than you had anticipated. The three men were eager to negotiate territories that you couldn’t conduct business in and items that they didn’t want you to import because it was cutting into their own business. You held firm, you knew what was fair and you would be damned if you let anyone bully you into submission.

In the end, you essentially just agreed not to get in their way, which was easy enough to do. You wouldn’t actively compete with them in the sale of imported goods, and you wouldn’t try to convince any of the lads that they used as runners and grunts to get out of the Barrel. As long as you kept your distance from them you’d be fine, since they were clearly tired of chasing after you.

“Alright then, the deal is the deal.” You said, holding out your hand. All three shook hands with you in turn, echoing the phrase as was customary. When the man in the middle – clearly the leader and the last to shake with you – took your hand, you tightened your grip and leaned forward. “If you try to cheat me after this deal, you will have Dirtyhands to answer to.” You said lowly. He tried not to show his reaction but the fear in his eyes betrayed him, and you released his hand. It wasn’t often that you involved Kaz and his reputation in your affairs, but sometimes it paid to be friends with the most ruthless man in Ketterdam.

You left the meeting with your head held high and took a gondel back to the Barrel. You were approached by a few people who stayed in one of your boarding houses or drank in one of your bars on your walk to the Crow Club, telling you that they had been curious or worried about having not seen you around for so long. You didn’t engage in any conversation beyond polite acknowledgment, too eager to get to the Crow Club.

Inej was the only one that knew that you were getting out tonight. You had told her when she had come to deliver your food for the week and she had promised to try and keep everyone corralled at the Crow Club so that you could make a big entrance, but the later it got the less likely it was that she could keep them all there without raising suspicion.

You practically ran down the last street towards the Crow Club, bursting through the open door and searching the crowd for your friends. Jesper caught sight of you at the same moment that you spotted them all at the bar, and you saw his jaw drop in shock. A huge grin spread on your face as he set his drink down, his sudden change in demeanor getting the attention of the rest of the group and causing them to turn to follow his gaze.

“Y/N?” Jesper called, prompting you into as much of a sprint as you could manage across the crowded floor of the gambling hall. You vaulted yourself into him, wrapping your arms tightly around his lanky frame. “You’re back! How?” He exclaimed, and you laughed as you felt him hug you back and sweep you off of your feet.

“I had a meeting to call a truce. As of tonight I am a free person!”

“We missed you so much!” Nina grinned, prying Jesper’s arms off of you so that she could pull into a hug herself. “Why didn’t you tell us that you were finally coming out of hiding?”

“I wanted it to be a surprise.” You grinned, pulling away so that you could move to hug Wylan next. “I missed you guys so much too, you have no idea.” You caught sight of Kaz over Wylan’s shoulder, his eyes wide as if he couldn’t quite believe what he was seeing. You pointed your smile at him and his lips twitched upwards before he cooled his expression and gave you a simple nod.

Your reunion was spirited to say the least, even Matthias couldn’t help but smile at the fact that you were back. You made them tell you about all of the most significant things that you had missed in the year that you had been trapped inside and update you on any power shifts between the Barrel gangs. Jesper wouldn’t shut up, Wylan was excited to tell you about all of the new explosives and weapons that he had developed, and Nina was making a list of places that she wanted to get lunch together to make up for lost time. It felt amazing to be with them all again.

“Okay! I want to play a few hands of Three Man Bramble before I go.” You announced, pushing your glass away from you after downing the last of its contents.

“Don’t have to ask me twice.” Jesper grinned, slinging an arm around your shoulder and guiding you to a table.

It seemed apt that fortune seemed to be in your favour, winning so consistently that you continued to play even though you knew that you shouldn’t. It felt like every time that you looked up from the table you caught Kaz watching you, and his unashamed gaze made your heart flutter.

After a while you saw him give a slight nod towards the door, an action that meant that it was time to go, and you tucked you lip between you teeth as you gave a subtle nod back and turned your attention back to your cards.

“Unbelievable!” Jesper exclaimed upon seeing that you had won again. “I guess you’re catching up on a year’s worth of luck.”

“Perhaps, but I’m going to quit while I’m ahead.” You smiled, gathering up your winnings. “I need to go and breathe some more fresh air.” You pocketed half of your winnings and pushed the other half around the table to Jesper. “Not too much fun.”

“There’s no such thing as too much fun.” He beamed and pulled you to him so that he could plant a kiss on your cheek. “Good to have you back, Y/N.”

“Good to be back, Jes.” You winked before bounding back to the bar to say goodbye to the rest of your friends. Kaz had already disappeared, no doubt in an attempt to avoid drawing attention to the fact that you were leaving together.

“We’re going to get waffles tomorrow. I will break your door down if I have to.” Nina asserted, practically crushing your ribs in a hug. “Inej, you’re coming too.”

“What about me?” Wylan pouted, and you laughed.

“Everyone’s invited.” You replied, holding his face and turning it towards you so that you could press a soft kiss on his forehead before pulling him in for a hug. “I just got out, I want to spend time with you all!”

You kept your hug with Inej pretty short, considerate of the bad feelings that too much contact could stir up in her, and even managed to coax a hug from Matthias before you headed out. Kaz was waiting not far from the entrance and you smiled as you quickly made your way towards him

“Hey.” You chirped.

“You wanted it to be a surprise, huh?” He questioned, starting towards the Slat. You chuckled.

“I know you’re not a big fan of surprises, Kaz, but I thought this might be a fun one. Why? Were you offended that I told Inej and not you?”

“Did you have anyone go with you to your meeting?”

“No, I didn’t need any backup.”

“Things could have gone badly, and you didn’t tell anyone about it.”

“Well things didn’t go badly.” You rebutted. “I’m here, I’m fine, and I surprised you all.”

“You shouldn’t put yourself in danger like that.” Kaz said flatly, ignoring your point, and you groaned loudly at his stubbornness.

“If it makes you feel better, I made sure to drop your name in to intimidate them. But I can handle my own business.”

You hopped along the cobblestones playfully, irrationally happy to be back out on the filthy and foul smelling streets of the Barrel, but even the stink couldn’t dampen your joy at finally being free. You were sure that you and Kaz probably looked like a bizarre pair walking together now, him with his stoic exterior and identifying limp next to your childlike joy, though you had taken after him fashion wise with your smart attire and well-fitted, black coat.

Walking back to the Slat with Kaz took you in the opposite direction to your home – now that you were out of hiding you could finally return to where you actually lived in a house on the boundary of East Stave and the Zelver District – but you wanted to talk to Kaz, and he wouldn’t have asked you to leave with him if he didn’t want to talk to you too. Nevertheless, you continued the rest of the walk in silence.

When you got to the Slat, Kaz continued straight up to his room while you lingered on the ground floor to say hello to some of the Dregs that you were more friendly with. The noise of the Slat was unfamiliar to you after so long, but you had kind of missed the rowdiness of it.

You followed upstairs shortly after. Kaz had left his door ajar for you and you could see him sat at his desk through the opening.

“Shut the door behind you.” He said as you slipped inside, and you heard the door click as you push it shut after yourself.

“You wanna talk to me?” You questioned, walking over to lean on the side of the desk casually. “Or did you just want some time to look at my gorgeous face?” He did look up at you then, his eyes darting around to take in the entirety of your face, and you felt your heart flutter.

“How did your meeting go? What deals did you make?” He asked. You sighed. It wasn’t new that Kaz was asking about your business, he liked to know about what you were doing the same way that he liked to know about literally everything else, but you had hoped that this conversation would be a little less mundane than that. You had hoped that he might express an iota of joy that you were back.

“I can’t dock my ships in 3rd Harbour anymore.” You shrugged. “So I’ll stick to 2nd for imports going into the morning market, mostly 5th for everything else. There’s a few streets that I need to keep my business off of, and obviously I can’t try and undermine their operations anymore. That doesn’t mean that I won’t, it just means that I’ll be smarter about not getting caught.”

“And what do you get from them?”

“They leave me alone. I don’t need more than that. I mean, their terms are hardly going to impede my business anyway.”

“And your insurance?”

“You.” You smiled sweetly. “Very few people are bold enough to cross someone that has Kaz Brekker on side.”

“I thought you prided yourself on running an honest business.”

“I do. My association with you doesn’t make my business any less legit. I’m more honest than most of the Merchant Council anyway.”

“That’s fair.” He conceded with a slight nod.

Kaz had visited you a few times since the night that you had both let on about how much you cared about each other, but you hadn’t talked about it. It felt like the tension between you had been building and building like an elastic band ready to snap. It was driving you crazy.

“Anything else that you want to talk about?” You hinted. Kaz let out a long breath, his eyes sliding away from you for a moment. You could tell that he wanted to talk about it but he was struggling to get it out. “Because you haven’t told me that you’re glad I’m back yet.”

“I am glad that you’re back.” He affirmed, then he took a hard swallow. “We all missed you.” You smiled brightly at that.

You could hear the crows moving around on the half-roof outside of Kaz’s window and crossed the room to perch on the windowsill. There hadn’t been anywhere for the birds to land in the apartment that you had been cooped up in.

“Can I stay here for a while? I don’t want to be alone again just yet.” You said softly, tucking one knee up against your chest as you watched the birds through the glass.

“Sure.” Kaz answered.

You sat in silence for a while after that, which wasn’t unusual for you two. Before you had gone into hiding, you had spent many evenings with Kaz in his office just like this. Tonight felt different though. Something had opened between the two of you and now you couldn’t close it. The feeling permeated every corner of the room until you felt like you might explode if you didn’t break this silence, but, to your surprise, Kaz spoke first.

“I’ve been thinking about that day that I saw you outside the Crow Club.”

“Why?” You asked, blinking in surprise. Kaz was still facing forward at his desk, back turned to you, but his pen had stilled over the page.

“I watched you for a while, deciding whether to chase you off or recruit you for the Dregs.” He continued, ignoring your question. You were used to that too. “You were good at pickpocketing – you could spot a good mark, distracted them by pretending to beg for pennies – but you stayed in one place for too long.”

“I know, you told me at the time.” You smiled amusedly.

“I was just planning on telling you exactly that, but after I got your attention and you looked at me I knew that I had seen you before. It was in your eyes.” He turned around to look at you then, his gaze finding yours immediately. “Your eyes never changed.”

Kaz’s eyes had. Maybe that was why you hadn’t recognised him. Kaz Rietveld had eyes full of wonder and warmth, that were curious about everything and shone when he was happy. Kaz Brekker's eyes were cold, they held secrets. The curiosity had become analytical, and the shine had turned into a devious glint. Kaz Rietveld didn’t exist anymore, the R tattoo on Kaz’s bicep was the only relic of him, and you were the only one left to remember him.

“Crows remember the faces of those that are kind.” He finished softly.

“And that’s why you took me in? Because I was kind?”

“Because we were friends. We are friends.”

“Just friends?” You murmured, a challenge in your eyes. It wasn’t a provoking challenge, more of an encouraging one. You wanted to know where he stood and you wanted him to be able to tell you. He was silent for a long stretch.

“Would we ever be able to be more?” He asked. You knew what he meant. Kaz had built up so many walls that he didn’t know how to let down, and he knew that about himself. It was how he had survived, but it was a way of being that wasn’t very conducive to relationships. He didn’t think that he could do it.

“That depends on you.” You answered with a soft smile. “Because I’m not looking anywhere else.” Kaz swallowed and looked away quickly, but you swore that you had seen a hint of a blush in his cheeks.

A knock came at the door, and you cursed whoever was on the other side in your head.

“What is it?” Kaz called.

“There’s a man downstairs says he has a job for you.” Specht’s voice came through the wood. “Won’t talk to no one else but you.”

“I’ll be down in a minute.” Kaz replied, then muttered something under his breath bitterly. You heard the creak of Specht's retreating footsteps and Kaz turned to you. “Will you wait until I get back?”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

You watched Kaz leave the room and let out a long sigh once the door had closed behind him. You were finally talking about whatever it was that was between the two of you and you just had to get interrupted.

You shed your coat, dropping it lazily on the floor next to you, and rolled up your shirt sleeves. Despite the pressure put on you from some members of the Dregs, you had never gotten the crow and cup tattoo on your forearm. You had known from the start that you didn’t want to belong to the gang, no matter how thankful you were for the help that Kaz had given you.

When you had realised who it really was that had approached you that night outside the Crow Club, you had been shocked. He knew your name when he spoke to you, though he had seemed unsure of it, and you had furrowed your brow and asked if you knew him.

“It’s Kaz.” He had said, and you had blinked.

“Kaz Rietveld?” You had whispered in disbelief. His jaw had clenched, his shoulders stiffened.

“That’s not my name anymore.” He snapped. “It’s Kaz Brekker now.”

When you asked him why he had changed his name he had simply told you that it was easier that way. When you asked him about why he was in Ketterdam he had answered that his father had died and they had sold the farm. When you asked about Jodie he didn’t answer.

He had walked you to the Slat, told you not to talk to anyone, and brought you up to this very room. You had trusted him enough to follow. Despite his proud presence in the Barrel, despite the fact that he was walking you into the den of a gang, despite the fact that he was almost unrecognisable from the Kaz that you knew as a child, you had trusted him. And in the years that followed, he had never broken that trust.

He had helped you pay for the first boarding house that you purchased, come with you to the bank when you took out the loan to buy your first ship, had come to the harbour to see you off the first time that you had gone to Ravka.

Kaz had once reminded you of something from your childhood while around the other Crows, and once it had slipped that you and Kaz had been friends when you were young, people were constantly asking you about what he had been like. He never told anybody anything about himself and people had been eager to find a source of information on him, but most people had quickly come to realise that you weren’t going to say anything either. Kaz had never thanked you for your discretion, but you knew that he was glad for it.

If you were honest with yourself, you had found yourself drawn to him ever since you got your first glimpse through his cold and uncaring exterior and saw his loyal and protective nature. The pull had only grown since.

Your thoughts were broken by the sound of the door opening, and you looked over to watch Kaz enter. The door clicked shut behind him and he moved to the wash basin directly across the room from the window that you were sat in, set down his cane and pulled off his gloves .

“A good job?” You asked. He shrugged.

“A job that I’ll do.” He answered and began unbuttoning his shirt. You tried not ogle as he pulled it off and picked up the washcloth from the basin, but you caught sight of a reddened stripe of raised skin across his side and furrowed your brows.

“When did that happen?”

“A few days ago.”

“How deep did it go?”

“Not too deep.”

“It doesn’t look like you stitched it up properly.”

“It’s fine.” He dismissed. You rolled your eyes and got up from the window ledge. Kaz never took proper care of himself but he was always too stubborn to admit it.

“Let me see.”

“I said it’s fine, Y/N-"

“Kaz.” You interrupted sternly, meeting his eyes in the mirror. “I said let me see.” He held your gaze for a moment before letting out a huff and raising his arm so that you could get a better view of the wound.

You kept your distance as you looked over the injury, but you could clearly see that the stitches were sloppy on the end of the gash towards his back; the side that he couldn’t reach easily himself.

“You’re keeping it clean?”

“I know how to treat a wound.” He grumbled.

“I know that you know how, that doesn’t mean that I actually trust you to do it. You didn’t even have it bandaged or anything, what if it gets infected?”

“It won’t, Y/N, stop worrying so much.”

“Well, if you’re not going to worry about yourself then somebody else has to.” You exasperated. “At least bandage it.” You didn’t wait for a reply before you crossed over to the cabinet where he kept his impressive stock of medical supplies and grabbed a roll of gauze. Kaz caught it grudgingly when you tossed it to him and set it to the side while he finished washing his torso.

“You worry too much.” He muttered.

“It’s good for you.” You smiled.

You watched him as he unrolled the gauze and wrapped it around his body, carefully laying it over the wound with pale fingers that you rarely saw. He was precise, but he couldn’t see his back and the bandage twisted as he moved it between his hands.

“It’s folded.” You told him softly, taking half a step towards him. “I can fix it... if you want.” There was a beat of silence before Kaz nodded slightly.

You moved towards him slowly and reached for him even slower, your eyes constantly flicking back to the mirror to gauge the reaction on Kaz’s face. Your fingertips barely brushed over his back as you unfolded the downturned piece of bandage and you immediately stepped away when you were done. It took no more than a few seconds, but you could hear Kaz’s short breaths and when you looked at him in the mirror you could see that he had paled.

You picked up the clean shirt that was laid on his bed and held it out to him at full arms length. His hand shook as he took it from you. He pulled it on quickly, making short work of the buttons, and pulled his gloves back on hastily.

“Sorry.” You mumbled, though you weren’t exactly sure what you were apologising for.

“It’s because of Jordie.” Kaz’s voice was hoarse when he spoke, his eyes trained on his shoes. “Why I can’t touch anyone. It’s because when he died...”

“You don’t have to tell me, Kaz.” You said softly when he trailed off. He shook his head slightly and cleared his throat, squeezing his eyes shut for a few seconds.

“When Jordie died, I was sick too. It was the Queen's Lady plague. One night, I fell asleep in an alley and woke up on the Reaper's Barge.” He swallowed thickly, wringing his hands together thoughtlessly, and you could see sweat forming on his brow. “When my fever broke, I had to swim back to the harbour, and Jordie... whenever someone touches me, all I can feel is those corpses.”

Silence hung between you as you tried to find the words to respond. It was a lot of information to take in, but suddenly things made sense. Now you understood why Kaz had become the way that he was; why he was prone to shutting people out, why the light behind his eyes had dimmed.

“Kaz, I... I’m sorry, I don’t know what to say.”

“That’s okay.” He muttered. “I have work to do. You’re welcome to stay as long as you’d like.” He crossed the room to sit down at his desk, his movements tense. You watched him for a minute, unsure of what to do. It felt wrong to leave him alone right now, but you didn’t know if he would want you to stay.

“I’m sailing to Novyi Zem next week.” You said. It was the first topic that you could think of. “I’d really appreciate it if you could look over the rent ledgers while I’m gone.”

“Sure.” He replied flatly. Silence again.

“Will you come with us all to get waffles tomorrow?”

“I have work to do, and Nina didn’t invite me anyway.”

“Yeah, well, the celebration is for me and I’d really like for you to be there.” You smiled slightly. “She probably didn’t invite you because she knew you’d say no.”

“Smart of her.” Kaz responded, and you let out a frustrated huff.

“Don’t do that, Kaz. Don’t shut me out.” You complained. He didn’t answer at all. You folded your arms over your chest and went to stand beside his chair. “I don’t care that you can’t touch people, it doesn’t bother me. You went through trauma and that’s not your fault. What is bothering me is that you’re choosing to stay closed off to everyone. You can’t keep your walls up forever, you’ll kill yourself trying.”

“I can’t handle it, Y/N.” He snapped, his voice low. The gravel in his voice might have intimidated you into backing off if you weren’t so adamant on getting through to him.

“You’ll never be able to handle it if you don’t start trying.” You insisted. “Maybe if you’d just admit to yourself that you care about people it wouldn’t be so hard to see that we care about you too.”

Kaz pinched the bridge of his nose, his eyes shut tightly, and released a long breath. You watched him, waiting for a response, not backing down. After a moment of silence, he glanced up at you.

“I can’t need anyone.” He said slowly. “Not after Jordie. I can’t let myself need anyone else.”

“You don’t have to need me, Kaz. You just have to want me.” You replied softly. His head snapped towards you and you actually saw his pupils dilate for the few seconds that he held your gaze before quickly turning away again. You hadn’t meant it like that, but you weren’t upset that he’d heard it that way.

“I don’t deserve you.” He muttered. You leaned against his desk, a sympathetic smile on your face even though he wasn’t looking at you.

“I’ve been around this long, I’m not going anywhere.” You promised. “There’s more to love about you than you think.”

Kaz tapped on his desk with a finger, a nervous action that he would usually suppress. Then, he took a sharp inhale and turned back to you.

“Okay.” He breathed. “I can try.” You bit down on your tongue in an attempt to suppress your grin, but you couldn’t stop the smile that stretched across your face.

“That’s all I ask.” You lilted. You stood up straight, pushing off of the desk and starting across the room to the window. You rolled your shirt sleeves down and snatched your coat up from the floor. “I’m going to head home. I expect to see you at my door promptly at eleven bells tomorrow morning, ready to get waffles.”

“Alright.” He nodded, breathing a single light laugh.

“Perfect. I’ll see you then.”

“Here, Y/N, these are for you.” He said quickly, picking up and couple of envelopes from his desk and holding them up for you. “You’ll have to make sure to notify your business partners of your change in mailing address.” You chuckled, going to take the letters from him, and he gave a small smirk as he handed them over.

“Thank you.” You smiled, before turning and heading to the door. “Eleven bells, Brekker. I know you’re a punctual man.”

“I’ll be there.” He affirmed. “Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Goodnight, Kaz.” You echoed softly before stepping out of the room and shutting the door behind you, a fond smile on your lips.

[bookishdream]

Could you do a Kaz x reader where the reader have to "cheat on him" (not in relationship but like she goes to another gang) because someone's threatening her and when he discovers she was just trying to protect him and the gang she dies

A/N: Hi! Thank you so much for a request, I've been wanting to write some angst for a really long time! I hope it is as hurtful as you wished, enjoy xx

TW: angst, blood, killing

kaz brekker x reader

Your hands were sweaty and shaking. You crossed your arms on your chest in order to hide that. You didn’t like being threatened, especially by some amateurs. But it wasn’t a threat against you, it was against your family in Novyi Ziem. You had to use your whole will power to not kill them right there and then.

“Why do you think I’d do anything you want me to?” you asked snapping your gaze between a woman and a man in front of you. “You don’t know anything about me and my family you assume I have.”

“Oh, y/n, but we know everything. For instance, your little brother is playing as we talking on your vast field, your parents are watching him with so much love in their eyes,” woman with blonde hair spoke first, describing the scene so vividly that you almost showed an emotion on your face. “maybe they have already forgotten about you? Maybe your mother is pregnant so they could fill a blank you left in their home.”

“Shut up, you think you’re so smart, aren’t you?” you snapped, face blank and mind filling with memories from times when you were as young as your brother was then, playing on the exact same field. “I will never betray Kaz, and you should know that.”

“Oh sweetie,” the guy beside walked closer to you, you made a step, in order to make some distance between you and them. “we’re not asking you to betray him, we’re asking you to leave this silly gang and join us, Pekka Rollins would be really happy if you did.”

“You two are much denser than I thought, if you think I want to make him happy.”

“You don’t have a choice.” Blonde said, making you shiver. “We have someone who would be pleased to kill this little family of yours. I don’t think you want them dead, even though they think you are, in fact, dead.”

You started to think about that. Crows were your friends and you love them. Inej and Nina always found various ways to make you cheerful when your day wasn’t the best, Jesper taught you how to use a pistol and flirted with you like his life depended on it. Wylan was like a sun in rainy days, even if you loved them, you also loved this boy and his stupid jokes. Matthias was funny to tease, he always was saying how awful you and the girls were, but you could also see this little twitch of his lip corner when he tried to suppress his laugh. And there was Kaz, your beginning wasn’t the pleasant one, you nearly killed him when you saw him for the first time, and in revenge he left you in the Barrel for the whole night, all alone. But after that, you started falling for him, and you fell hard. You couldn’t exactly point out when that happened, but you were sure you’d anything to save him from himself. He had tough personality, he cared only for money and how he could invest it to get the whole city only for himself. But he let you do that with him, barley sleeping and when you did it was in the same bed. Arm-length gap but you always were less exhausted than when you were sleeping in your own bed. You loved him and the rest of the Crows, but you loved your family more. And you knew what you had to do.

“Bitch.” You murmured. “Fine, whatever. Just stay the hell out of my family. And the gang.”

“We knew you’d make a right decision. Pekka will send money to Per Haskell in order to buy your contract. You won’t regret that.”

“I already do.”

After that day, you were about to start living with your new gang, family, like Pekka had said to you the previous day, he’d also told you to not worry about your parents and brother, that they were safe as long as you were working with him, willingly.

You wouldn’t call this willingly, but you guessed it was enough to prevent your family from any harm coming from Pekka and his stupid gang. You hated being here, you missed the Crow Club, late night talks with Inej and Nina, and helping Kaz with buying new ships. You wanted nothing more than to escape, but you couldn’t. Kaz and Crows could fight and kill, whereas your family was vulnerable, they couldn’t even hurt a fly. You spent the whole evening in your empty room. Window with grids making you shiver, you felt like a prisoner you were.

“We have a job for you.” The blonde girl who captured you came in, like it was her cell, not yours. “Behave and perhaps we’ll get rid of those grids.”

You wanted to punch her, you didn’t even know her name, it wasn’t even relevant, your hand was itching. You took a long, calming breath and looked at her, frowning. “I thought it was another week until you’d trust me enough to even open my window.”

“You’ve been here for two weeks. Plans have changed, we need you right now, so cut the attitude and come with me.”

You rolled your eyes and went after her, going up the stairs and leaving the place Pekka’s gang lived. You took another deep breath, smelling the awful scent of Ketterdam, smoke and money as Kaz used to say. Gods, you missed him.

“Where are we going?” you asked, falling into step with the girl, there were only the two of you, you assumed the rest will be somewhere where you were going. “What’s the job?”

“Can’t you just shut up? You’ll know when we’re there.”

You really wanted to punch her, still you said nothing, you wouldn’t get anything from her. It was dark on the city’s streets, buildings high enough to cover the moon, didn’t let its shine to light up the roads. You were annoyed and cold, your hair was swaying with the wind, goose bumps poking on your skin.

“Here.” Blonde said, handing you a pistol. “If you kill someone from ours, you’re dead before you take your last breath.”

You rolled your eyes, hiding your gun into the pocket of a coat you had. The metal was cold, making your hands even colder than they were before. Now when you had a real gun, not only your knife, perhaps you’d be able to escape. But where would you go? You were sure Kaz knew where you were, perhaps thinking you betrayed him, that thought only made you feel guilty in your guts, he trusted you and you chose people who you hadn’t seen for years over him. You had to escape, the cost didn’t matter.

When you came to the place, you saw a guy from Pekka’s gang and Kaz. Both of them were talking, but members of both groups had their guns or blades taken out. The Dirtyhands had his black coat, and his walking stick, as always. Jesper also was beside him, hands on his gun belt, ready to take them out and fire. You were more than sure that Inej was also there, somewhere on the roof or in the shadows, waiting and prepared to fight.

“We have men everywhere, two on roofs, one behind the bridge. All of them have guns pointed on you and your previous friends. I hope you know what that means.” The girl said, eyeing you. You only nodded, worrying too much about the Crows to even snap at her. “Good, now go and wait for a signal.”

You did as you were told, you hid somewhere behind a building, trying to recall every piece of information you gathered while snooping on guards or using the fact that they didn’t always close your doors. You had to find someone and tell them, you couldn’t waste any more time.

You poked your head out, searching for Matthias or Wylan. You doubted Nina would be here, since she was still working in the pleasure house. You were sure Wylan was there with his explosion ready to, well, explode. You cursed under your breath, when you couldn’t spot any of them, panic getting out of you with frustration. Someone from the Dime Lions would notice you’re not somewhere where they could spot you.

You crossed the narrow lane, as you noticed Matthias, you whistled hoping he would look into your direction. He turned his head and spotted you, anger on his face visible even in the dark. You cringed, knowing you’d get beaten up.

“You’ve got some nerve,” He said, his voice low. “after you started working with them, you have the audacity to come here.”

“Listen, I didn’t have a choice,” your voice so close to start begging him for forgiveness. “It was about my family.”

He looked at you wordlessly, confusion painting his face. Of course, he didn’t know you had a family, why would he. After a second, the ire came again. “You’re lying.”

“I'm not, I want to help you.”

“Oh, so now you did that to help us?”

“Matthias, I’m begging you, just let me tell you what I learnt.” You pleaded, your voice small. “Pekka wants to kill you as you’re standing, he has those new guns that can shoot you from really long distance.”

“What?” he looked alarmed, “We have to tell Kaz. Come.”

You let out a breath, it wasn’t the best look he sent you, but at least he didn’t leave you here. You told him everything you knew, he listened but his face still didn’t have pleasant expression.

You took out your gun, making your way behind the dumpster, hiding in shadows. You tried to calm your nerves, but the adrenaline had already kicked in. Matthias and you startled when you heard a shot, then another. You sent yourselves a knowing look, taking a step closer to the place where Kaz and the other guy were talking. Jesper had his guns out and Kaz was looking at the boy in front of him with disgust. You saw one of the Dregs were bleeding, you lifted your gun, targeting the closest one from the Dime Lions and fired. The bullet hit the girl in her stomach, making her stumble and fall to the ground. You hid yourself behind the wall and waited. Matthias sent you a look and you only lifted your arms, not knowing what to said.

After that, guns started firing, screams were everywhere. You saw the blonde girl that came here with you, standing with her pistol, aiming Kaz. You shot without looking, trying to hit her in an arm, you heard her scream and saw how the gun was laying on a ground. You looked up and saw that Kaz was looking at you, his face blank and unreadable. Jesper beside him, shooting people and screaming at Wylan to explode. The sound of explosion came from the roof, exactly where members of Lions were, you let out a shaky breath and made a step into the fight. Matthias fighting with his fists, slowly making his way toward Kaz, you tried to help him clear the path by shooting few people either in their heads or legs.

Your hands were tired, your head pounding but you were fighting hard, you had to make this in order to confess Kaz the whole truth. When you were close to him, he locked his eyes into yours.

“We have to talk.” You told him, lowering your tone. “Please.”

“This is not the best time to talk, y/n” the way he said your name made you shivered. It wasn’t an intimate way, it was with so much poison in only one word. “Why aren’t you fighting with your new gang?”

“Kaz, please, I’m trying to help.” You voiced, your eyes burning with sweat that slowly dripped from your forehead.

“Whatever.” He smacked an opponent with his cane, you only heard the sound of cracked bone and a loud thud when the enemy fell to the ground.

You two were fighting as you had before Pekka came into your life. Kaz understood you without any words, knew exactly where he should cover you because you couldn’t. Your movements were precise, keeping people away from Kaz’s vulnerable leg. You were fighting in a harmony, you kept your focus on people you had to kill, you shot them without any hesitation. When your bullets ended, you took out your knife and started stabbing everyone who wanted to stab you.

“I– “you paused, feeling a pain in your abdomen. You looked at Kaz, but he was looking at your lower stomach, you placed your gaze there and you saw blood. A lot of blood, then you felt pain, you stumbled, but Kaz placed his hand on your waist, slowly letting you fall on the ground. Your whole stomach was on fire, slowly burning you with its flame.

“Don’t you even dare dying here, messing my coat with your blood” he said, caressing your cheek. You chuckled, tasting blood on your tongue. “Don’t even think about it, y/n.”

“I’m–, please forgive me, Kaz” you murmured, hoped your words were understandable. “I was trying to save my family, but you’re my family too.”

“Y/n, I forgive you, but I’m begging you, don’t close your eyes” his voice filled with regret, eyes burning with anger, but you knew it wasn’t toward you. “Keep your eyes open.” He yelled at someone, but you couldn’t understand either it was Jesper or Matthias.

“Tell them I love them” you started to give up, your eyelids slowly closing. “I love you, Kaz Brekker.”

“Y/n, please don’t leave me” he tried to keep his voice from cracking, but he failed.

But you didn’t hear that, you had your eyes closed, hand that was laying on your stomach, now laying on the ground. He carefully removed his arm and got up. He spotted a blonde girl, smirking and looking at him, she slowly lifted her pistol, mockingly swaying it. She winked at him and still with a smirk, she left. Kaz made a promise he would kill her, he would do it for him. And for you.

[a-aexotic]

I loved your modern!harry potter headcannons! can I have modern!six of crows? maybe college or high school au?

btw your headcannons give me life

hi babe! i'm doing high school headcannons! (i'm only doing kaz, inej, and jesper! if you guys want a part 2 with nina, wylan and matthias!)

warnings: mention of school shootings, mentions of crying, mention of broken noses.

- kaz

kaz is 1000% that weird quiet kid everyone thinks is going to one day going to shoot up the school <3

but he would never, he's actually really nice

well nice to you if he likes to you

if he doesn't like you, he will ignore you + give you his signature kaz glare

he has a flip phone 100000% and he does flex it

"yeah sorry i don't have social media, i have a flip phone" *smiles*

"nah bruv i have a flip phone"

he ends up getting a smart phone after jesper kept making fun of him

nina and jesper made kaz get tiktok

he was traumatized

"who tf is charli damelio and why is she dancing to megan thee stallion?"

has a one-sided beef with bryce hall

yes he did have a phase where he was obsessed with tiktokroom on instagram

- jesper

class clown but people actually find him funny and nice

he is that kid in middle school who mixed the food with milk and called it "humor"

his parents got him airpods when they first came out and he thought he was the shit

loves loves marvel

after avengers endgame came out he spoiled it

like he told everyone what happened

matthias was pissed

during quarantine his "faze" was anime,,, but still is,,, so i guess it isn't a faze??

when he watched aot he cried on the fifth episode (yes i'm projecting what actually happened w me on jesper :/)

he made a couple thirst tiktoks and it got like 1000 likes and 10k followers

he thought he was the shit until inej set him straight

- inej

pretty girl™

she's your hype girl in the bathroom when you're feeling insecure

in gym, when the guys would say "girls can't play __ sport"

she would kick the ball in their face and break their nose "accidently"

she watched fairy tail w jesper during quarantine

she was def on harry potter tiktok for a good second

but left as soon as she realized t*m was transphobic

she's the girl who would help you cheat during school

she def has an editing account on instagram

her edits are so good??

she got a cat during quarantine and we were all jealous :/

made a tiktok account as "joke" but it became her personality for a good six months

dyed her hair once in quarantine and regretted it <3

[klbwriting]

Unexpected Allies - Chapter 6

Fandom: Six of Crows

Pairing: future Kaz/female!Reader

Summary: with the carriage crashed they must continue on horseback

Note: this one is shorter, I wanted to have some nice bonding with Jesper done before we got back to the regularly scheduled story

Taglist: @mcntsee​

              Kaz had felt the weight of the carriage change a moment before they went into the ditch.  It gave him time to get ready so that when they fell, he was able to land on his side instead of his head.  His hip throbbed but he was able to stand quickly and noticed that Y/N hadn’t been so lucky.  Curse his stupid mouth for saying something hurtful to her before this.  He knew brushing off her confessions was callous, but he had been annoyed with her for pulling her legs away from him.  He knew he was petty but that was a new low and now he would have to win back her affection.  Why did he want her affection anyway? O right because his heart was working for once.  Damn.

              He stumbled over to where she lay unconscious and looked around the carriage, finding a way out in the floor.  Must have been a carriage for smuggling, complete with emergency exit if you were caught, smart.  He kicked open the trapdoor and then looked back at Y/N.  He knew Jesper would come in and get her but Kaz wanted to be the one who got her.  He tossed his cane out the door and took a deep breath, focusing on getting Y/N to safety, and picked her up into his arms.  He carried her outside, laying her down in the grass nearby.  Once she was safe the thoughts of dead bodies and Jordie’s face roared into his mind and walked to the edge of the woods and vomited, holding himself against a tree.  When he was finished he turned back to see that Jesper was checking on her, his arm bleeding.

              “Are you hurt?” Kaz asked, walking back over to them. Jesper shrugged before standing next to him.

              “I’m fine, just a cut” he responded, tearing off his shirt sleeve and wrapping it around the cut, tying it with difficulty. “Can’t offer a hand?” he said to Kaz, smirking.  Kaz glared. “You saved her, carried her out here, you like her, you big softie.”  The look Kaz sent him wiped the smile off his face.  It was a long time before Jesper mustered the courage to speak again.  “Its alright you know, to have feelings about someone, you can still rip out hearts and then go home to someone.”

              “That’s enough Jesper, I don’t need a lecture from you about my feelings,” he snarled, hearing Y/N start to stir.  She blinked open her eyes and sat up quick, gripping her head. She looked around, then at the two men in front of her.

              “How did I get out of the carriage?” she asked. Before Kaz could stop him Jesper spoke.

              “Kaz carried you out,” he said, smiling big. Kaz’s blood was boiling at the betrayal. Y/N looked at Kaz silently.        

              “Thank you Kaz,” she said softly, standing with Jesper’s help.  Kaz nodded quietly, looking away.  He was going to have to admit sooner or later that Jesper was right, he did have feelings for her, but he would admit that later.  He still didn’t know what he could do in a relationship with someone anyway, who would want a broken bastard?  

              By this time Jesper had brought the horses over and even had found a spare saddle in the carriage storage bin.   Y/N dressed the horse, getting on ready to ride.  

              “Kaz take this one, I’ll ride with Jesper on the other,” she said, holding the reins.  Kaz wanted to argue but knew he couldn’t possibly ride a horse with someone else, not even Y/N, for the amount of time they needed.  The Permafrost was still over 2 days away, he would never survive. He climbed on the horse with difficulty, ignoring the help the others offered.  Once astride he slid his cane into his belt and heard a giggle.  He narrowed his eyes at Y/N and once again found that she wasn’t the least bit afraid of him.  He both admired and hated that about her.

              “You look like a general in those old school books, saber at the ready,” she said.  Kaz rolled his eyes and looked away before anyone could see the red that flared on his cheeks.  “But you’re much better looking than those guys.”  Kaz had expected a compliment, she seemed to like teasing him and then stroking his ego to win back his favor.  He hated that it worked.  He watched, a little annoyed, when she joined Jesper on the horse and they started riding north again.  

                Y/N could see that Kaz was struggling, not with his horse, but his emotions.  She had to admit, his feelings were probably harder to tame than a wild horse and she still didn’t know if it was worth it.  She realized that his jab about her secrets the night before had been out of anger. She wasn’t sure what he was angry about, but him carrying her out of the carriage proved that he cared about her in some way.  She would take that and work with it.  

              “You like him don’t you?” Jesper asked, him also noticing how Kaz couldn’t look at them for more than a moment before he looked away again, the jealousy clear on his face.  

              “Yes, I more than like him,” she answered. Jesper was easy to talk to, Kaz should send him out to gain secrets, with his laid back attitude and fun demeanor anyone would get loose lips with him.  He nodded and looked ahead again but she noticed the frown on his face.  “What has you upset?”

              “I…I miss Wylan,” he said softly.  It was almost like he was just admitting it to himself and she felt her heart break a little at the sad look on his face.  “Stupid merchling wormed his way into my heart and won’t let go.”  

              “I guess we both have men who are unreachable at the moment.  I’m sure we will find Wylan at the resistance camp, if he had the strength to deal with both you and Kaz I can only imagine how strong his will is.  I’m still debating on shooting you both,” she teased. Jesper let out a chuckle.

              “If you find you want to shoot Brekker you can use my guns,” he answered making her laugh this time.  

              “You two seem chummy,” Kaz called, riding to walk his horse closer to them.  He looked so put out by their interactions that Y/N almost laughed at him.

              “Don’t worry Kaz, I’m not trying to steal your new girl,” Jesper shot back.  If looks could rip someone apart the look Kaz gave him would have done that and more.  “You see Kaz here almost ended up with Inej…” A loud crack rang out and Jesper let out a strangle cry of pain.  Kaz had snapped his cane out, smacking it hard against Jesper’s knee.  

              “Don’t start talking like you know anything Jesper,” Kaz said, voice menacing.   Y/N looked at him.  This must be Dirtyhands, the supposed bad guy buried in Kaz, the one who liked to rip out eyes and maim men for saying the wrong thing.  She was impressed by his vicisousness but she didn’t want this aspect of Kaz to be out and about right now.

              “Kaz calm down, this is all in good fun,” she said. “I know you don’t know how to really have fun but I promise this conversation will never be shared with anyone, right Jesper?”

              “Right,” Jesper wheezed out, still trying to move his leg.  “Did you break my kneecap?”

              “Just disabled your lower leg for a minute, you’ll be fine.  God knows I don’t want to carry you if you break your leg,” Kaz responded.  He looked at Y/N and she smiled at him, wanting him to calm down.  She saw him take a deep breath and relax some.

              “So are you going to tell me about Inej?  I have heard the stories about her leading the refugees north, she sounds amazing,” Y/N said.  And she sounds infinitely better than me for Kaz she thought to herself.  Inej was supposed to be strong, a leader, someone that could gain secrets by knife or by charm, and apparently Kaz had once wanted her.   Y/N didn’t often let insecurity eat at her, she was Grisha who could do anything, why should she think less of herself?  But the idea that Kaz would desire her over Inef Ghafa seemed laughable.  

              “No one is going to talk about Inej anymore. What I felt for her wasn’t real,” he said, a pleading look in his eyes.  This whole conversation was making him squirm it seemed, too much talk of feelings and emotions that he didn’t want to visit.   Y/N nodded, feeling a little better that he seemed to be telling the truth.  Inej was a friend, a second in command, but it appeared that she was just that and nothing more.  Then again, Y/N was just a Grisha, someone to get them back to their crew and nothing more. Suddenly she didn’t feel any better.

              They rode on for another hour, the sun getting hot above them as they passed midday in silence.   Y/N was hoping they would get at least halfway to the Permafrost today but she felt her heart stop and her blood go cold as a voice called from behind them.

              “Little puppy, seems you found some new friends,” the Darkling said.  Jesper whipped the horse around and all three stared as the man approached alone, looking ready to kill.

[sehnsuchts-trunken]

hello! can I request a matchup for shadow and bone? i'm a straight girl (she/her), enfp, libra. if I were grisha, I would probably be a squaller (but in all honesty I doubt I would even have powers because me? with anything that requires restraint and discipline? a safety hazard.) people think i'm smart cause i can do math, speak several languages and know random shit about astronomy and history but i'm lowkey a himbo. in my free time i love playing the piano, writing, reading, stargazing, playing videogames, and annoying the hell out of my cat (i'm actually a dog person but don't tell him that). i'm enthusiastic and optimistic, always cracking jokes and ready for adventure and a good party! I can't cook to save my life but I'll try my hardest :') because i'm so hyper and bubbly all the time, it's pretty difficult to see me in my vulnerable state. as a result i'm kind of awkward with physical touch or like deep, personal words. i typically display my love through heartfelt written words, quality time, or gifts. i write poems about the boys i fall in love with like some kind of nerd <3 also i'm not half bad at archery and would love to get my pilot's license someday! anyway thank you so much if you write it! have an amazing day 💜

you wanted to change this to a what if if i didn't misinterpret, so ofc that's what you'll get! (based on the series, once again, all my s&b things are)

also wtf are timezones, how is it the 24th for everyone already 

What if...

You were in Shadow And Bone?

- There’s two wonderful stories going on in this universe, and you just so happen to be on the less glorious side of them. Not that you’re complaining. It could be worse, really. You could be in Helen’s possession the way Inej is. But you’re not, you’ve simply met the wrong people and somehow ended up with the crows in a really strange way. It was Pekka before it was Kaz. You were quite a young girl when you stumbled upon him. He took you in for some years because you’d shown enough talent with a bow, taught you how to use a gun and then threatened to murder you with the latter had Kaz not come along and saved you. It had really been a strange situation, more of an accident, and Kaz surely had not intended to be stuck with you after that, but he’d seen the opportunity to hurt Pekka and taken it. Now you’re with him, with Jesper and Inej, and you don’t mind it in the slightest. It’s a bloody job sometimes, but the one with Pekka had been worse, and at least you have a room to sleep in safely and enough meals to fill your stomach with. 

- It’s Jesper’s job to shoot the guys and you have to admit that he’s a ton better than you in every way, despite your training, and so the bow is what you wield. It’s more of an ancient weapon in the eyes of everyone else, but it’s really as efficient as a gun, with the slight advantage that you can and will take your arrows back once they’ve hit their mark. All in all it’s often underestimated, you with it, and that’s even better than the weapon itself. 

- You’re closest with said sharpshooter, though you do value Inej and Kaz just the same. The latter of course on a whole other level for he was the one to get you out of the problematic situation with Pekka - which he’s recited multiple times he did for his own sake and not yours, but at this point all he says is a shitshow and there for the dramatic effect of it, and from the soft stares you get as much as Inej does, you can guess that you have grown to have some sisterly value to him. He often gets protective of you and it can be as annoying as it’s sweet, but you know that it’s one and only way he can express some kind of fondness for anybody, so you take what you can get.  But Jesper you match perfectly. He’s funny and ironic and always laughing, and you too seem to have that same energy. Although you’re far more optimistic than even he is, more bubbly and daring and enthusiastic, and the two of you always wind up in trouble if left alone, so Kaz makes sure not to. Ever. 

- When tasked with crossing the Fold, while Kaz gets the goat and Inej jurda and Jesper supposedly 20 pounds of alabaster coal, it’s your job to keep an eye on the guy whose name you’ve forgotten. He calls himself the Conductor, which is a shit title in itself, and has a weird aura, so you abandon that plan and follow Jesper through the streets, also abandoning the “no detours” part, and ending up in an alley losing all of the money Jesper was handed for the coal to some people that were not too happy about you taking it back by force. And additionally the coal. You've got yourself in sure trouble, but hey, you have both coal and money and are standing safely in whatever the hell that trainweck is that’s supposed to get you through the darkness, all in one piece and with the full outcome of 36 pounds of alabaster coal. 36 because despite the looks of it, you’ve got more braincells left than Jesper and, reading that the pack he’d grabbed only had 16 pounds in it, took hold of another with more. 

- The “random knowledge” you’ve picked up during the years turns out very, no, gravely important to your quest. You cannot only throw in unrelated pieces of history and events that have passed in the places you stay in, but you can actually converse with all the people you meet. You speak flawless Ravkan and Fjerdan (and Kerch, of course), and paired with Inej’s Suli and Jespers Zemeni, you’re able to woo even those tourists and natives that or whose families do not hail from Ravka. Which often makes you the talker, but you don’t really mind.

- When it comes to the circus taking you with them, you’re more than happy to oblige and offer some of your piano skills. You haven’t played in years so you’re a bit rusted, but other than that it still sounds amazing, and you reassure the guy that you’re sure they’ll have a piano in the Little Palace too. There is one, actually, but you’ve really just gambled and won at a high risk. 

- Sadly a bow is too obvious to walk around with, so while Inej can strap her knives to her body, you’re tasked with the distraction. Which you do fine. Nobody’s played the piano at the Little Palace in a long, long time, and everyone is charmed once again as you do, right on that same stage the oh so important sun summoner has presented her whole show. Once you’re done, there’s hands to shake and curtsies to make, as even the Crown Prince of Ravka compliments your wondrous song. You notice out of the corner of your eye that Inej and Kaz separate, and as desperate as you are to help them out, you know that you have to keep to your strategy, so you offer to play another song just for the Prince. Pretentious slug, with that smug look on his face and the fact he’s not even half as handsome as he makes himself out to be. 

- When it’s all over, you can’t complain. It’s the way again that it was at the beginning, or close to it at least. The dynamics have changed just a bit and Inej still seems inclined to leave as she was more than once already, but you’re optimistic everything will turn out great. Just the way you always are, and the way it always did. Kaz is a mastermind after all, Inej has learnt how to take a life and Jesper is... well, Jesper. The same he’s always been and always will be. So there’s zero chance it won’t end grand, right?

[ineffablebooklover]

So commissions are gonna come pretty slow, I have to do this all on my phone now sorry about that! Here is part 2 of...

The Crow Cafe Coffee Shop AU~ with the Crows, Ronmione, and Drarry -for @yarn-yogi

Chapter 2

Harry’s stomach turned with dread as Mr. Malfoy went to order, leaving Draco in his wake. “Oh if it isn’t Pottah and his friends!” Malfoy sneered, strutting in. “Studying so early with your gang, eh?” He turned to Hermione. “I thought you’d run back to where you came, but alas, you’re still here, trying so hard!”

(authors note: Hermione is Latina in this fic because I want to and also to show that the Malfoys are racist as heck)

Wylan looked up from his sketchbook, a little uncomfortable.

“Drop it, Draco. I’ve lived here all my life, and I’m not leaving because you don’t like me,” Hermione fought back.

Draco scowled, turning back to Harry. “You just need to stop hanging out with the wrong sort,” he said, glaring at Hermione and Ron. He gave Ron a once-over, scrunching his nose at the hand-me-down jacket and well worn shoes. “This one probably made you pay for that coffee, didn’t he, Potter?”

Wylan looked towards Jesper, then back to the four students, then back to Jesper. Jesper rolled his eyes. Inej glared at Draco, but had to continue to serve his inattentive father.

“They’re my friends, Malfoy. It would be good for you to remember that you’re not.”

Draco looked just about ready to stab someone. “So stupid, Potter. Who knew you-“

“Well are you going to order something, or are you just going to flirt all day with that poor boy over there,” Jesper cut in, suddenly right behind Draco, a cup of coffee in his hand.

Draco stuttered and blushed. “Flirting?? I’m not flirting.”

Hermione and Ron giggled, Harry said nothing.

“Trust me,” Jesper said. “I know flirting when I see it. I’m what you call a pro. But honestly, ‘bullying into submission’ is never the best way to go. Anyways, coffee?” Jesper grinned.

Malfoy was speechless, as if having an internal crisis. He didn’t want Potter like that, right? Right? The moment he asked himself that question, he wasn’t so sure anymore. He stormed out of the coffee shop, slamming the door.

Mr. Malloy noticed, grimacing and without grabbing his coffee, stormed out after Draco.

Jesper grinned, looking back to Wylan, who mouthed ‘thank you’ under his breath.

Kaz suddenly sauntered out from the back, cane clacking ominously on the ground. “Scaring away the pigeons, Jesper?”

Jesper gulped, taking a sip of his coffee. “Uh- no boss.”

Kaz raised an eyebrow, looking at the Malfoys, who were basically running away from the shop.

Jesper stuttered. “Well- he wasn’t going to order anything anyways,” Jesper said, starting to sweat.

“Actually,” Wylan said, speaking up for the first time that day. “I was just going to order another coffee,” he smiled at Jesper.

“Me too,” said Harry.

“I think I’ll need another coffee for the notes McGonagall just posted,” Hermione replied.

Ron looked at Hermione, confused. “But she hasn’t posted-oof.” He got an elbow to the ribs. “Right uh- I’ll have a pastry.”

“Awesome!” Jesper said, bouncing on his toes. “See boss? No business lost,” he grinned nervously, running over to the counter to put in the orders, but Inej already got it down, giving them both a thumbs up.

Kaz just shrugged. “Interesting way of doing business, but go for it.” Then he went back into the back room, cane clicking away into the distance. Jesper breathed out a sigh of relief, looking towards the four students.

“Thank you,” he smiled, having Inej ring up the orders.

The three study wizards turned to each other. “‘Flirting’? That’s a new one,” Ron chuckled.

“Oh hush Ron!” Hermione whacked Ron’s arm with her notebook. “Malfoy is just being an arse.”

“Well I mean if you think about it, Malfoy seems pretty obsessed with you Harry,” Ron pointed out, getting another smack from the notebook.

Harry rolled his eyes. “But the barista is right. He can’t just go around and bully people, no matter what the circumstance.”

Jesper popped up behind Harry, grinning. “Why thank you! I pride myself in my smarts. I have two coffees and a pastry for you three?”

He dished out the order and sighed, looking over to the side. “No matter how cute, getting to know the person is the first step.” He stared longingly at the boy with ruddy curls for a good 10 seconds. “So I’ll go do my job, enjoy the breakfast!” He rushed out, skipping away, ruffling the pale boy’s curls, then staring at him longingly from behind the counter.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione looked at eachother, then burst out in giggles. “Who would want to get to know Draco though?” Harry chuckled.

“Wait so you think he’s cute?” Hermione shrieked.

~•~

Jesper fished around for the customer’s order when he stumbled upon a slip of paper in his pocket that he was sure wasn’t there before. It contained a phone number, and a name, ‘Wylan’.

Jesper scrunched his eyebrows, confused, then looked over at Inej, who was smirking at him. He showed the crumbled slip to her.

“His name is Wylan, and that’s his phone number,” Inej told him, a grin playing on her lips.

“Wait wait wait… Wylan? As in, consistent customer who I brought coffee to this morning Wylan? As in cute guy Wylan?”

Inej bobbed her head up and down and explained as Jesper’s eyebrows went past his forehead. “I told him it was for a rewards club at the cafe. I may have done the front work, but you get to do the real work now.” She nodded towards the paper. “No need to thank me.”

Jesper still bounced up and down, squealing as he hugged Inej. “Screw that, thank you Inej! What would we do without you, right Kaz?”

Inej turned and Kaz was behind them, his resting frown on full blast, the foundation of his face. He just looked away, a slight tint of red on his cheeks.

Jesper shrugged it off, and with one last thank you to Inej, went off to make coffee for the next customer.

Once the crowds died down, Jesper typed the number into his phone. He thought for a bit, then leaned on the counter as he started to type.

“Hey Wylan! This is a Crow Cafe rewards club notification! just kidding, it’s jesper, the cute barista. anyways, how are you?”

It was about 20 minutes before Jesper got a response, almost dropping his phone from taking it out so fast. “I’m okay, thanks. How about you? And how did you get my number?”

“the rewards card scam. inej (the other cute barista, not as cute as yours truly, though kaz would disagree) is very smooth when she wants to be.”

“Oh, okay. That makes sense.”

“and why do you type with caps?”

It took a while for Wylan to respond. “I guess I just never turned off Auto-caps.”

Jesper thought out a response, then typed in, “well, I guess that just adds more layers to that pretty personality of yours ;)” He congratulated himself on the alliteration and clicked send.

There was a typing bubble, then it was gone, then it was typing again. “Is that a winky face?” Jesper smirked.

“Who are you texting during work?” Came a deep voice, and Jesper jumped to attention.

“Uh… just Wylan, my hopefully future boyfriend.”

“But Wylan can’t- well I guess there’s a feature for that now,” Kaz mumbled to himself. He looked back up to Jesper. “Orange hair, freckles, that kid?”

Jesper nodded. “That’s him,” he smirked. “And what did you mean by-“

Kaz just harrumphed. “He’s good at numbers, that might come in handy. Very well, carry on. But if a customer catches you on your phone, I’m taking it and you can kiss Wylan goodbye during work.”

“Yes boss,” Jesper chuckled nervously, then Kaz went back to the back room to do whatever Kaz Brekker does in the back room. Jesper got laser focused back to his phone.

“maybe it is ;)”

end of Ch2!

I might just try posting this on AO3 on my phone then updating there, we’ll see how that works out… anyways I hope you enjoyed this little segment!

also does anyone know how to put the little ‘keep reading’ thing on long posts so people don’t have to scroll past the whole thing if they don’t want to?

Up next… In The Heights nightmareAU

have a nice day :)

[doorsclosingslowly]

Someone, Broom in Hand

Kaz died before he turned sixteen. That’s the story. When he reappears, it’s at the side of the Dark General, wearing the thin fluttering robes of the Sun Summoner. Jesper travels to the Little Palace to punch his fucking teeth out.

Kaz[/&]Jesper | 7.5k | content note: nonlinear narrative, past and offscreen abuse

The purple kefta is too big for Kaz. Jesper doesn’t want to think about why he dumped his coat over Kaz’ head, except that Kaz looks weird and cold in his ugly fancy yellow paper taffeta shirt, his one layer that he’s wearing apart from the underpants that leave his knees bare.

That he looks uncomfortable at all should be nothing but a trick of the violent light: there are two separate lit fireplaces in the bedroom, so awkwardly placed that they were probably retrofitted by a Fabrikator. It might have been David, though then Jesper would surely have heard a treatise on the stones used to erect the Little Palace, or Gaz, or Lizaveta or any of the other Materialki Jesper’s been bunking with but—but anyway, if Kaz felt like wearing more, he could order an attendant to fetch another shirt or two. Unless there’s nothing he owns that isn’t thin and revealing and fucking yellow. Unless he’s not allowed… Unless he can’t even dress himself anymore without a gaggle of attendants. Man moves up in the world and forgets everything he knew: tale as old as time.

“Just like you forgot us,” Jesper mutters, less viciously than he should.

The Kaz-doll makes no comment. No protest. No further manipulation of Jesper’s old affections. No snide mockery for Jesper passing his kefta on to the man that less than an hour ago, he tried to kill.

He just pulls the coat on. With his odd bare fingers—no claws after all, just thin and human—he closes button after button, including the top four that Jesper’s never once used, struggling to pull the material over the bone-tines sticking out of his chest. (And who back home would believe that Dirtyhands has ordinary fingers and a totally fucked up chest?) It would be easier to leave it open, but Kaz, even now he’s a sunny lapdog, doesn’t do easy. When he drops his arms, the too-long sleeves fall down over his hands, and with his thumbs he traps the fabric there. Sad little improvised half-gloves, more than Jesper’s seen him wear in the month since he let himself get conscripted into the Little Palace. He looks back at Jesper.

There’s no Thank you—Kaz Brekker never knew that word, and it seems in the two years they had him, whatever else they forced on him the Ravkans failed to teach him any more manners—but there is something new in his glare. It’s not just the purple washing the colour off his smooth—his way too smooth face. No. It’s something old: defiant, and angry, and scheming, just barely breaking through the placid paint and the rust beneath it.

Bit by bit, as he buttons up Jesper’s kefta Kaz simultaneously pulls on the moth-bitten coat of Dirtyhands he’s kept way back in the wardrobe of his brain, the ruthless killer, Bastard of the Barrel, Dregs lieutenant and future gang boss unless he gets murdered first. And it didn’t stick the first time. Pulls it over whoever it is that he was before. Over the doll beside Kirigan.

Over that person in the corner, that cornered boy, brittle and alone and stripped of armour and weapon and self, and Jesper wants to kill every single fucker in the Little Palace.

“Back home, you had a plan for everything,” he says instead. “I’m not assuming it’s a B or even a Z or a Q squared, but I know you. I know you’ve considered it. What do we do now your beloved long-lost friend’s shown up to help you steal the Sun Summoner?”

☼

Yesterday, Kerch accepted the terms of the Ravkan crown. Ex-crown. Dark fucking empire. Whatever. Test all children and send the Grisha to the Little Palace, conscript some people into the First Army—though what they still need an army for when they have the Fold is anyone’s guess—send food, booze, and, worst of all to the fastidious greedy Kerch, pay tribute without receiving anything at all in return. It was in the mouth of every paperboy on the streets, every mercher, every gang boss. By Ghezen how could we just surrender? they moaned, and Do you want to end like West Ravka? and Didn’t you see him? Kirigan’s going to crown himself king of everything. He’s unstoppable. And that boy next to him, the Sun—

Honestly? Jesper doesn’t give a fuck anymore. He’s paying fifty kruge just to sit on Inej’s bed for an hour and braid her hair. Ketterdam can burn to the sopping wet ground for all he cares. The world can rot. Like the Dregs did. Like everything Jesper cared for.

Inej, though, watched it.

“I had to see,” she’s whispering into Jesper’s ear, barely moving her miserable red-painted lips even though his hair should block out most lines of sight already. Inej’s smart, though, and desperate: if Jesper keeps returning to the Menagerie as nothing but a smitten small-time gangster with an incredibly vanilla hair fetish, he won’t catch attention. Tante Heleen will have fewer reasons to raise Inej’s rates. Jesper can barely pay for a visit a month as it is, and even those he allows himself mostly because he’s given up the hope of ever paying off her indenture unless he wins big.

“I snuck out yesterday. I had to see. Heleen got a new girl from Ravka six months ago, and she believes, too. Had a cheap pamphlet with her, last thing she had, of the new Saint. The illustrations… they looked just like Kaz.”

“Fu—” Inej elbows him. Jesper presses his lips into the braid over her ear. “Forget about Kaz Brekker. You’re the only one who matters now. He died, and you ended up here.”

She’s trapped in the Menagerie now because Kaz disappeared into the harbour like so many orphans before him; because he didn’t tell Jesper jack shit about Inej’s situation that might have helped him keep her safe in the Dregs; because he allowed senile Haskell who knows the names of all his five hundred thousand miniature boats and literally nothing else to stay in charge of the Dregs instead of killing him as soon as possible, which allowed Haskell to let the payments for Inej’s indenture lapse, which meant three months after Kaz just disappeared from his life Jesper got back to the Slat to find that Inej, too, had gone without a trace, and it was only luck and a pervert old Dreg that Jesper soon afterwards ‘accidentally’ shoved off a roof talking about the girls at the Menagerie that meant he found her again. Found her, only to realize he can’t help her at all.

Inej pulls Jesper’s ear back to her mouth. “I saw him, Jesper. I saw Kaz. Kaz is alive. He was there. I saw him.”

“You what?!” A sharp elbow darting out of her red sad nightgown that would have slipped right in-between his ribs if it was one of the knives she still mourns, and he’s not even given anything away. Heleen’s a hell bitch, but what use would she get out of random surprise?

“I saw Kaz. He’s the Sun Summoner. I was far away but—it was Kaz, standing next to General Kirigan, holding his hand, when the Merchant’s Council signed the terms of surrender. It was Kaz. I’m certain. Sankt Kaz.”

“I—” Jesper burrows his face into Inej’s hair. “You didn’t happen to have a knife on you, did you? A really tiny one she couldn’t confiscate. A super lethal one. Might never get as good a chance again.”

“Jes—”

“Fuck him sideways with a rusty shovel. That traitor. Did you forget how you ended up here? He left us. Saw a bigger pile of cash and skedaddled, I bet. He always wanted to be king. Guess becoming the Darkling’s queen was the next-best option.”

Inej doesn’t even defend Kaz. Jesper pulls away from her so he can look at her face. She always looks sad these days, unless she has specific painful orders to perk up, but it’s deeper now. She’s not doing the gesture, not holding her hand against her chest. Faith, now, is just one more thing Kaz Brekker took from her. Jesper can’t blame her, even though he never believed. Not even when Ravka’s new ‘Sun Summoner’ started gaining them the whole continent. Power’s power, though, no matter whether the stories around it are true. If Kaz truly is the Sun Summoner, then it’s not just Kaz Brekker who sent her back to the Menagerie—but one of her Saints. Fucking asshole.

He buries Inej in his arms. It’s all he can do now, to hold her until this month’s hour is up, because it’s not like he can just murder the Ravkans special weapon in retribution, can he? Can…

“This changes nothing,” he whispers. “The only priority is still paying off your indenture. Kaz quit the Dregs. He left us, and that means he’s nothing now. Less than nothing. I have a good feeling about the Makker’s Wheel at the Emerald Palace this weekend. Lots of pigeons there for the ‘Fete of Unity with Mother Ravka’ or whatever, and the minder thinks I’m hot. It’s risky, of course, but if I do this right—”

☼

Jesper’s just about to crawl right back out from under the bed—weapons raised, since hell knows what Kaz was planning back there, and fuck Jesper for apparently still harbouring enough trust in the guy to follow his lead two years after he deserted—but then, a series of clicks and rumbles heralds the opening of the door. Footsteps, and it slides shut again.

Shit, that was close.

And Kaz wasn’t bluffing, after all. Well, well… it certainly means something that Kaz, beloved Saint and Sun Summoner and ally to the Darkling, just told his attempted murderer slash old friend and-or stooge to hide. Kaz never did anything without a motive, be it profit or power or vengeance, and even this degraded, polished version surely isn’t so far gone as to engage in ideas as base as altruism. Ergo, Kaz will want to use Jesper for—something, though what is there he wants when he’s basically a prince of—but he isn’t, is he? He’s in a cell. A cell Jesper can unlock.

Three pairs of footsteps move around the room. One of them might be Kaz, but without his limp, it’s hard to recognize him. None of them says a word, which… it probably means this is a routine visit. Whatever’s going on, they all know their role.

Two pairs stop moving, while the third one—circles around them, it sounds like, and then someone else stumbles a little and catches themselves. Jesper hopes they’ll hurry up. He’s in mortal danger, technically—Kaz can still choose to reveal the intruder inside the Sun Summoner’s private room and-orprison, but, prison. Jesper’s far more useful alive, and so, hiding under the bed is fucking boring.

There’s not even anything interesting in-between the slat frame and the mattress. It’s the only place where you could hide anything—that Jesper can think of, at least, but there’s just nothing there at all, and Kaz used to be a real magpie. It’s a gaping void, just like everything else in this room. Like everything else in this palace, a chasm painted over with gilt and power. Unless—something’s stuck to the underside of a cross brace. Jesper slides a fingernail under the edge, and it comes loose easily enough. Not exactly a cache worthy of Dirtyhands, and anyway, it’s just a… a mangled piece of paper. A paper that looks like it’s been chewed on and spat out—and an entire corner actually torn off, or bitten, maybe—and whatever used to be printed onto it mostly rubbed off except for a couple of letters here and there, RAV. Curved lines and tiny hats. What would Kaz need to hide in his room? Apart from weapons he doesn’t have. Other people’s jewellery, dito. The only thing that Jesper knows about him now is that he’s trying to open the door. Trying to leave. It’s probably a map, then.

Which means an escape is planned, and Jesper’s just providing the desperately sought means. Good. That means he should have even more leverage here.

Somebody stumbles again, this time taking two steps to catch themselves. Almost as if they’ve jerked away.

“You’re falling behind,” slimes the smooth, rich voice of the Darkling. “On second thought, our people would miss you at the celebration. I’ll inform the staff that you wish to dance, all night long.”

☼

“You’re hanging around here because you heard that General Kirigan and the Sun Summoner are due back this hour, aren’t you?” The woman in a tidemaker’s kefta that just sidled up to Jesper speaks unaccented, high class central Ravkan. Even if her dark skin is an indication of Zemeni heritage, she came to the Little Palace long before the Darkling’s recent territorial acquisitions. She’s no ally, just like the rest of the crowd that surrounds them: an old-school Grisha, veteran Second Army, not someone whose loyalties may yet be pliable. Not someone like Jesper, whose skin started crawling the moment he showed his skills to a Ravkan occupation officer so he could sneak into the Little Palace. She’s friendly, though, and looks at Jesper’s face with clear appreciation. “You must be new. Hi. I’m Nadia.”

“Jesper,” he says, throwing a flirtatious grin like a blanket over his nerves and anger. It’s almost fun, playing the suave infiltrator assassin Grisha. Except Inej’s still in the Menagerie. And Kaz is still a piece of shit. “Yeah, I just got here! They didn’t test for Grisha ability in Novyi Zem when I was little, so I barely knew who I was… but once I heard about the Darkling, about this place, I crossed the True Sea as soon as I could!”

“That must have been so hard. So lonely. This place is…” She grimaces. “This place was our sanctuary. You’re lucky you’re Materialnik.”

“Why?” It’s the first time since his arrival that anyone’s had even a neutral opinion of Durasts, let alone good, and granted, it’s not like he cares that much about the ability his Ma died from, and he’s only talked to a dozen people since arriving yesterday, but…

“Listen, I know you want to see the Sun Summoner, and don’t tell anyone I said this but…” Nadia pulls Jesper a few paces away from the crowd on the training grounds, into a corner formed by two enormous bales of hay. Well-chosen: he can barely see the crowd that just surrounded them peek out behind the yellow stalks. “You’re sweet—”

“Listen, you’re gorgeous, but we just met—although, on second—”

“No!” She laughs, but it’s bitter. “You’re cute, but no. It’s my duty, to her, to protect you. The new ones. You’re Materialnik, so you’re not combat, so you’re not going to actually meet the Sun Summoner. Ever, if you’re lucky.”

“He’s that bad?” Kaz was always a dick, if Jesper’s honest—it was part of his charm—he was just a charming magnetic one, and back with the Dregs Jesper hated his ruthlessness just as much as he admired it. He was worst to his fellow Dregs and his enemies, though: he could charm a mark when needed. So it’s a tad unexpected that Kaz earned himself the hatred of a Grisha indoctrinated from childhood to see him as her Saint and saviour. Apparently, he’s just that talented. That obnoxious.

Well, Jesper’s not complaining. That makes his plan much easier.

“He killed my best friend,” Nadia whispers urgently. “The last time I saw her they were taking a walk, and then I found her, blisters and burns all over her body. Who else? There’s a reason he’s not allowed to have weapons. I heard the Darkling doesn’t let him go anywhere alone, or he would murder us all. He killed Baghra too, I’m sure—she was our teacher, but she disappeared two years ago. Just stay away from him, alright? He looks harmless, but he’s a rabid dog. Oh. There he comes.”

Jesper barely manages to whisper, “Thank you,” before she pulls away from him and returns to her previous place. Back to the crowd of Etherealki and Corporalki on the training field, but she finds her place in the last row, standing—hiding—behind two men much taller than her.

Jesper follows into the crowd. No need to alert Kaz that the past is hot on his heels, and then—

Well. There he is.

There someoneis, anyway.

If Jesper trusted Inej just a hair’s breadth less, he’d have cursed her and sneaked back out of the Little Palace the second he sees the person holding General Kirigan’s hand. Sure, the Sun Summoner is male, with dark brown hair and dark eyes and pale skin, and just a little bit taller than Kaz was at fifteen, but that’s where the similarities end. Dirtyhands had his impeccable mercher’s suits in a grim mockery of Ketterdam’s upper class, and gloves to feed the rumours, and a cane to walk and kill. His hair managed to be at once floppy and severe; just like his gaunt face, in the right light, made him look utterly captivating and not just like an annoyed scheming rat. He looked exactly like the Bastard of the Barrel should. Not pleasant or easy, but the person Jesper once would have followed into any lion’s den.

This—this Sun Summoner, on Kirigan’s arm, is beautiful. Healthful. Pristine.

Barely even a fucking person.

It’s the face, mostly.

You could never tell what Kaz was thinking, just looking at him, because he was, after all, thinking in layers upon layers of incomprehensible schemes at all times of the day and then went to bed and dreamt about ploys and deceptions. Jesper could barely follow him the three times total he deigned to explain part of his plans. But you could always tell that Kaz was thinking. Planning, scheming, plotting his greedy bloody vicious way out of and into every possible house on every possible street.

The Sun Summoner looks empty. He’s staring straight ahead, but he’s not even doing thatwith any kind of purpose. He’s like a pet on the Darkling’s arm. He looks more airheaded than all blackout drunk heirs and heiresses in Ketterdam combined.

It’s incredibly eerie, because now he’s searching for it Jesper can sort of read Kaz Brekker back into the Sun Summoner’s face. This face is much smoother, without the marks of past firepox, plumped and rosy-tinted, but that might partially just be a testament to the quality of Ravkan cooks—or, how skint the Dregs always were. He has a normal haircut. It probably suits him better, unless your standard for beauty is Dirtyhands, and unfortunately Jesper—anyway. The Sun Summoner doesn’t have a cane, either, and he doesn’t need one, apparently, because he isn’t limping. Ravkan royal healthcare, but honestly, Kaz could have pressed a Grisha healer into service back in Ketterdam only he always insisted—well, whatever. Fuck his words of wisdom. Fuck him. Fuck Kaz. Jesper shouldn’t even be remembering that snake.

Kaz Brekker betrayed Inej, left her to rot in the Menagerie, so whatever role he’s playing right now in whatever scheme this is—because it has to be a scheme that put Kaz into the yellow robe he’s in right now, so thin it’s translucent, and sleeveless too in the Ravkan winter. The Dregs tattoo on his arm is gone. Two Inferni are flanking him and the Darkling, their hands perpetually on fire just so Kaz can parade about in a robe no Menagerie slave would go outside in, but still, it’s Kaz. It’s definitely Kaz Brekker. Jesper can see it now.

Fuck him. He traded the Dregs for this. He abandoned them to Haskell’s mismanagement and let Inej go back to the Menagerie. He betrayed them all.

(Of course, Jesper abandoned Inej now too, and without a word, but—after that last catastrophic loss in the Emerald Palace, there’s a zero percent chance the Dime Lions wouldn’t have strung him up by his own entrails—or sold him into indenture, trying to make back at least a fraction of the fifty thousand kruge he owes—so really, he had no choice. It’s the next best thing, right? If he can’t help her anymore, at least he can kill the bastard that started all their troubles.)

Kaz just walks off, hand in the Darkling’s grasp, towards the Little Palace. Carelessly following the other man’s lead.

The old Kaz would have noticed Jesper.

☼

Footsteps and then, a series of clicks and pieces of wood and metal rubbing stones. The door. Kaz’s legs, taking steps backwards to the bed in a perfect, healthy gait. The rich soft creaking of the bed as he sinks down again, and in front of Jesper—the same two muscular, pale, bare, identical hairy calves. Like the legs of a statue, or one of those de Kappels he used to like, except the right leg is trembling finely. Barely noticeable if it wasn’t right in front of Jesper’s face. Those Ravkans maybe aren’t so crafty after all.

Then: nothing.

After what feels like an hour in which Jesper doesn’t dare move, even though the Darkling must have left already, a hand drops off the edge off the mattress. Middle and index finger erect, then crooking twice in quick succession. It takes a moment to connect. Jesper hasn’t seen those signals in such a—move, path clear. Yes. That’s what it was.

Jesper wriggles out from under the bed, annoyingly free of dust. Pristine. Empty, just like everything else.

“Didn’t think the Sun Summoner needed to use our secret code, boss,” he drawls up at Kaz from the floor. Kaz, with his barren black eyes and his new porcelain doll face, picking at the wide open collar of his yellow shirt.

“Never drop a tool you can still use,” Kaz says. A beat. “Didn’t think I was your boss anymore.”

“You aren’t.” Jesper turns his head away, looking at the spotless floor and the intricately painted walls from his low vantage point. Exquisite, imposing, empty: a Saint’s cage, as beautiful and terrible as Inej’s room in the Menagerie. The bare wall hiding the inaccessible door. “That guy really fucking hates you.”

Kaz doesn’t reply. Jesper turns his head back to watch him again, even though that won’t give him anything more: Kaz used to be willfully inscrutable even back in the Barrel, but after whatever Grisha surgery they did to him, there are only traces left of the real person trapped inside him. Dollface, Jesper thinks again. Who’d have expected they’d turn fucking Dirtyhands into a dollface?

It’s Kaz who turns away, fingers clawed into his neckline. His voice is rough, even if it’s a shadow of the damaged rasp that used to be him. “I thought about it sometimes, back then. The first time.”

Every fibre of Jesper’s being wants to interrupt with, What are you talking about? I don’t speak cryptic anymore. I’m out of practice. He should get off the floor, raise his guns, resume—but whatever it is, whether it’s some stupid new Grisha power, whether it’s zowa, or his memory of Kaz is just coming back, he doesn’t—

“It was like this. I was on my bed already, usually, when it grew hard—and I thought you would be up for not being on the bed, and there wasn’t much else in my room. I imagined watching you. I didn’t touch it. That was better.”

Uh. What.

“He probably knows I threw up after we—I tried to hide it. I thought I could manipulate him into seeing me as his partner, I thought I’d healed, that I’d practiced enough—but he just saw that I was still weak. He saw he could control me. But if he didn’t do it again because I threw up, I’m—”

He was right. Jesper would have stayed on the cold hard floor back then for him. Even now, Jesper would crawl around like a worm jerking off for the fucking asshole he got himself trapped in the Little Palace to murder, if that meant Kaz never had to—

Kaz pulls the neckline of his flimsy thin single ugly yellow shirt closed. The shirt that doesn’t protect him. The shirt he didn’t choose.

☼

Jesper’s imagined the Sun Summoner’s quarters, of course. Most of the Grisha in the Little Palace are wretched gossips—or Jesper’s been charming as many people into spilling as many secrets as possible to him so he can plan his attack, same difference—and anyway, he needs a backdrop for his imagined kill shots. It’s Kaz Brekker, after all. Dirtyhands. The ex-Bastard. You’d want to rehearse that death. Think of some witty one-liners.

Nadia said it was gorgeous inside, like a dollhouse. Lizaveta, who Jesper’s been told to shadow so he can learn how to become a proper Durast, insisted it’s totally empty. Grzegorz said there were live kittens inside, so the Sun Summoner could sate his lust for innocent blood, Sayyna thought there was a giant swimming pool, and a lovely naïve boy from the edge of the permafrost up at the former border insisted it was just like the quarters of all other Grisha, except with a little more privacy. Since they’re all siblings fighting for a world that will be kind to Grisha.

Jesper, privately, imagined a few stolen paintings and a mishmash of furniture. Because he’s an idiot.

This is just like—

If it is the Sun Summoner’s bedroom at all. It should be. Jesper did his homework: he followed the Darkling and his Sun Summoner creature that wears the skin used to house Kaz, and a variety of Materialniks, to the end of this specific corridor, five times in total. Watched the Materialniks unlock a hidden mechanism, and then the two most powerful men in Ravka—in all charted countries, ruling everything this side of the True Sea but pockets of Shu Han and even that’s a matter of time—they walked inside, hand in hand. The Darkling always left, after a while, alone, and so it only made sense to assume that the hidden room that Jesper just snuck up to and unlocked is, in fact, the Sun Summoner’s room. Kaz’ room. It’s the best time for breaking into it, too. There’s going to be a party in two days, so hopefully everyone’s too busy, and even if the Sun Summoner’s out doing preparations then Jesper can just hide in here and kill him in an ambush. That’s probably easier, actually.

First, though, he locks and hides the door again, because… yeah, he went to Ravka expecting to get caught. At some point. This is a suicide mission for revenge, after all—suicide is in in the title. But it’s no fun if he gets caught before the gory glorious revenge part. Before Kaz admits he was a piece of shit. Both guns cocked and ready, he turns around, and actually inspects the room he broke into.

No. Nothing changes, even when he blinks and blinks again. That wasn’t a faulty first impression.

The room still looks like a fucking prison cell.

A fancy, clean cell, but a cell nonetheless. It’s empty except for the bed, and Jesper owes Lizaveta more money than he has on him (though to be fair, technically, Jesper’s fifty thousand kruge in debt anyway, so does it really make a difference at all if he’s a few Ravkan coins more in the red), and even the windows—Jesper’s had enough training now that he can look at the windows and see the subtly reinforcing mesh inside the glass. No curtains. No curtain rods. Nothing—there’s a subtle mesh inside the bedclothes too and the frame of the bed looks far too sturdy to be torn apart by anyone who isn’t a skilled Materialnik. There are meshes in front of the fireplaces.

Nothing in here that can be used as a weapon.

Not against others, and not against oneself.

No escape.

There’s nothing in this stark white massive room but a person, acting like he never did before and still looking more like himself than when he was walking through the training grounds. It’s probably the distance from other people. He’s got his back to Jesper and he’s in the furthest corner from the door, which should be a tactical misstep because he can’t escape from there but really—it’s as good as any other location, in this room. There’s nothing of use to anyone left, not even to someone as shrewd as Dirtyhands used to be before he lobotomized himself into the Sun Summoner. Or before he was—

Kaz pushes himself up from his kneeling position using the walls he faces. He mutters, “I beg your forgiveness for keeping you waiting, Aleks.” His voice sounds odd.

“Are you crying?”

“Jesper?!”

Kaz turns so quickly he has to brace himself against the wall again lest he fall over. His translucent shirt ripples. His dark eyes in his weird new too-handsome face trace over Jesper, again and again. If they were fingers, Jesper would feel like he’s being caressed. No, that’s the wrong thought. A thought from a book he won’t admit he’s read. Jesper’s got his guns out. He came here for a reason. A bloody, glorious reason.

“Inej wouldn’t want me to do this, but she’s locked up in the fucking Menagerie,” he announces, just to see whether Kaz can feel even a shred of guilt. “Just so you could be a Ravkan prince in ugly yellow lingerie.”

“Just follow my—”

No, then. Or maybe it’s just the new face Jesper can’t read. Not that it matters. “Shut up. Do you remember what you told me when I joined the Dregs? About what you’d do to traitors? Well, I have added a couple of my own ideas.”

“Shut up, Jesper. You can monologue when we’re done, but—”

Jesper aims right between his weird, smooth pebble eyes. “When you left us, you knew it would all go to shit. Inej’s in the Menagerie, and there’s no way to get her out again. Haskell let the Dregs collapse after you disappeared. No Dregs, no kru—”

Kaz flinches. “Quick. Get under the bed. Now.”

Whether it’s surprise, a sex instinct, or—far worse—a lingering sense of loyalty, Jesper obeys instantly.

☼

“We’re lost,” Jesper moans. They’ve been surrounded by trees for four days. He’s not even sure they’re trudging vaguely southwards anymore. Everything looks the same. What wouldn’t Jesper give to be back in Ketterdam already, with its lovely street names and pedestrians and garish landmarks (and gangsters about to string him up), or at least somewhere in Novyi Zem where he sort of understands the landscape. Or what’s left of Shu Han, so Kaz can unclench.

“We’re not lost,” Kaz rasps. “Keep going.”

“How do you—the map.” The half-chewed-up map hidden under Kaz’ bed, the map he snuck into his coat—Jesper’s kefta, whatever—even though he probably already knows it by heart.

“Yes. The map.”

“Why the fuck are you telling me to choose where we’re going if you’re memorized the map?!” What an asshole. Jesper just clean forgot what a piece of shit Kaz is. He forgot it so utterly he’s helping him break out of Ravka, without even extracting anything in return. He’s a fucking idiot. “Is it so you can blame me when we get caught?”

Kaz, the dick, rolls his eyes. “Wouldn’t I rather not get caught at all? Think, Jesper—what’s the one advantage you have over me?”

“I’m prettier,” Jesper shoots back. “My winning personality. I have a better tolerance for hard liquor. Fashion sense. I’m funny. No, wait—I’m a much more generous lover.”

“He doesn’t know you,” Kaz hisses, making the pronoun sound even more slimy than the guy it’s referring to, which is honestly quite a feat. “Do you think this is my first attempt? He’ll send people to every single route out of his core territory that poses any advantages. He has enough soldiers for that. What he doesn’t have, though, is enough soldiers to watch every route your bird-brain might pick at random.”

And then, he stalks ahead viciously. No. Limps ahead.

It’s been growing much more pronounced over the days. At first, even without a cane he walked just like any person with two healthy legs, and that’s what Jesper expected. The Ravkans healed their Saint’s leg, didn’t they? That’s what they would do. Only Kaz can think around enough corners to make his bad leg into an advantage. But with every passing day, Kaz’ gait has grown closer to what Jesper remembers from back before the world went to shit. Kaz was touchy about accommodations back then, though, or people being nice in general, so Jesper hasn’t even brought up improvising a new cane. All he’s dared to do is slowing down his own steps to what he remembers would have matched Kaz, back then.

And insisting on taking breaks. Like he does now.

“It’s almost night, you refuse to make light despite being made of sunshine, and I’m hungry,” he complains.

“I’d assume that Ketterdam has made you soft,” Kaz rasps, “o cherished crown jewel of crime and commerce, and what’s the difference.” He limps back to the fallen tree that Jesper has chosen as their camp site, though, so he must be a just few steps short of utter collapse.

Jesper unwraps the two woollen blankets he’s been carrying on his shoulders. They didn’t get a chance to steal much, mostly because Kaz was a prick about it and didn’t even let Jesper go back to his room: apparently there was time for Kaz to fold up a paper bag into a facsimile of an envelope and write an address in Djerholm onto it and have Jesper talk a stable-hand into riding out to deliver it, right now, but no time to search anywhere else for supplies. They took just whatever they found in the stables, which amounted to extra coats, some boots, the blankets, and horse feed. And gloves. Kaz declared it was time to run as soon as he’d found gloves.

Balefully, Jesper chews on his oats. Even wrapped in his blanket, the night is cold, and Kaz—who’s still wearing nothing but underpants besides the robe/gloves/Jesper’s kefta/stolen coat combo and ill-fitting boots without socks—is shivering violently.

“We should steal you some real clothes from the next house we see,” Jesper mutters. “And some decent food.”

“We’re not stealing anything until we’re in Shu.”

They’ve had this argument before. Jesper shouldn’t be as thrilled about that as he is. There’s no way to resolve it, until they find the border—or until Kaz keels over from hypothermia, because then even his rational fear of detection won’t keep Jesper from finding some trousers. For the time being, though—

“I’m going to sit closer and steal your body heat. In exchange, you can wrap my blanket around your legs.”

Kaz glares. He can do it masterfully again: just like the limp snuck back as soon as he left the Little Palace, his face over the days grew thin and pockmarked. Vicious. Jesper’s commited it to memory, in case Oily, Tall and Dark steals it again.

“If you freeze to death tonight, this was all for nothing. I could be sleeping in a palace right now. Well, a dingy side house, with the other Materialniks, but joke’s on them. This whole escape would have been much more complicated if I’d been a Squaller. Or a Sun Summoner, who refuses to even use his power to warm us up.”

“Leave it.” Kaz runs a finger roughly over where his collarbone should be, and he shudders. The temperature, or something worse, some new pain he’s not revealing—but carefully, he leans his blanketed side against Jesper, and allows Jesper to throw his own blanket over him, too.

“I’ll make you a new cane tomorrow. With a head, too, if we can scavenge enough metal from the buttons. Not a crow. You haven’t earned that until we free Inej, but maybe… a worm.”

“That’s just a stick,” Kaz mutters. “Go to sleep.”

Easy for him to say: Kaz is taking the first watch, and so he’s not balancing on a fallen log in the cold without a blanket, trying to fall asleep sitting up while leaning against Kaz’ shoulder with as little contact surface as physically possible. After some hours or minutes, though, Jesper’s suffering is too much for even Kaz to handle. Who knew there was a limit! Who knew Kaz had heard of mercy! Maybe he just doesn’t like Jesper wriggling next to him. He fists a lock of Jesper’s curls and pulls his head down into his lap.

“I didn’t help you because I want to fuck you, just so you’re aware,” Jesper jokes, because this is actually—it’s actually almost comfortable curling up on the fallen tree with his head on the blanket on Kaz’ thighs, even though there’s the remnants of a branch digging into his hip and they’re on the run from all Grisha in the world and also the new, expanded Ravka that covers nearly every country on this continent and Inej’s still imprisoned and if they actually manage to get back to Ketterdam, Jesper’s going to be in so much shit. And still, it’s… “I mourned you, you know, when Haskell told me you’d died. I wasn’t just angry because the Dregs were a shambles without you.”

Kaz is quiet. Jesper sort of wishes he’d touch his hair again, or his shoulder—and he never seemed to have any trouble touching the Darkling, so what, is Jesper not good enough—but he also looked like a void back there, like in order to endure it maybe he had to smother—

“That’s not why I mentioned that fantasy back there,” says Kaz, lyingly. Sure. He just happened to invoke Jesper’s obvious past crush for no reason whatsoever. The awfully convenient infatuation Jesper didn’t have sense nor skill to hide back then. Kaz is exactly the kind of person who’d exploit someone’s first love. The person who’s realize, long before Jesper did, that maybe, he’s not actually completely over—but maybe that wasn’t the important bit then. It went on. And that story about the Darkling—

“You thought I’d help you out of pity?” Jesper would have done, if he hadn’t been so angry—if he hadn’t been already so freaked out by the placid expression, the clothes that looked expressly designed to torture the Kaz he knew, the cell… It wasn’t pity. What is it you feel when a person you knew—maybe not his secrets or his past or his thoughts or what trouble he just dragged you into because he’s a secretive dick, but still, you knew him, it was burned into your heart, his movements and the codes he taught you and just when a heist was about to trigger one of his fears he’d never mentioned and you needed to get him out now… What do you feel, when that person comes back from the dead, and comes back wrong. Like a stag with too many tongues inside its mouths and its hands locked behind its throat. Except the other way round, because Kaz Brekker was terrifying, and what he was made into or what pretended to be was only scary because it wasn’t. Anyway. Kaz is a manipulative commandeering asshole again, so it doesn’t matter. “You despise pity.”

“It’s a tool, just like everything else. One he couldn’t take. And pride just gave me—pity got me out of the Little Palace, didn’t it?”

“Something did.” Jesper tips his non-existent hat, and Kaz slaps the top of his head to make him stop wriggling. He keeps the hand there this time, knotted tight in Jesper’s hair. It stings, but it’s also… Jesper closes his eyes and tries to fall asleep before inevitably, it’ll leave.

“Pride. It was my fault.” Kaz’ voice almost sounds the way it did back home. Harsh, vicious—and damaged. Human. “I thought I could bear it. He was—the Sun Summoner could have no weaknesses, he said, nothing for our enemies to use, and I allowed myself to think… ‘our’ enemies. I practiced. It was easier, after a while, to bear touch. I thought—it seemed like the best option, to stand at his side, and to make him see me as his partner I should… I was tired of being a prisoner. I thought I could use him.”

That’s bad enough, but… “But you’re limping again,” Jesper hisses. “If he’s forming you like a clay doll to make you his perfect Sun Summoner, he should have started with healing you.”

“They did, when I first came to the Palace. I didn’t want—but I learned to accept it. After my first escape, he broke it again, personally. Had it tailored over, afterwards, every few days. Incentive for cooperation.”

There’s nothing Jesper can do to fix this stagnant, lifeless voice. He could hug Inej, at least, but this—

“It’s what I would have done, too. He was just better than me, and he didn’t need another one, so he had to change me.”

“By dressing you up and making you look like a doll. If you tell me it was a sex thing, at least I could—no, still couldn’t relate. His taste’s shit. That beauty was pretty ugly,” Jesper mutters into Kaz’ thighs.

Kaz pulls at his hair again—probably a rebuke, but the sting travels down Jesper’s spine to—well, it’s time to change the subject rather quickly. What’s there to… oh yeah, his head’s on a blanket. That’ll do. “I just had a great idea,” he says, and—yeah, his voice is still completely normal and steady. A little loud, maybe. Kaz hasn’t moved his hand away, though, so it can’t be too obvious.

“Don’t hurt yourself.”

“Fuck off, my bright idea of breaking into the centre of Grishadom to kill you in a murder-suicide attack because what else was I going to do, let the Dime Lions grind me between millstones to press out the fifty thousand kruge I may perhaps still owe them—”

“You what?!”

Jesper powers on, because that’s really a conversation best left for when he’s not lying in a forest with his head in Kaz’ lap and trying to forget, desperately, the way it felt when Kaz pulled his hair. The way it feels when he does it again. “I’m just saying, it saved you. You’re welcome. So anyway. We only have one pair of trousers. I was going to suggest we alternate wearing mine, but we both know I wouldn’t get them back.”

“Your so-called idea is… interesting,” Kaz mutters, voice almost pulled asunder trying for both disturbed and mocking. “But I’m far more interested to hear about the fact you skipped out of Ketterdam without paying your debts. A crime punishable by death in every gang. Every gang in Ketterdam, the city where you want us to go.”

And yeah, that’s occurred to Jesper, but… “That’s a problem for later. You’ll think of something, boss, if we make it that far. You always have a plan. For now… I wouldn’t—well, I would carry you if your legs freeze off, but it wouldn’t be fun for either of us, so… You sewed yourself up constantly back home, and I’d wager sewing is just like swimming. Once you know, you can never forget.”

“Skills are useless if you lack every materia—Jes—”

“Yeah, I definitely can turn a button into a needle now. We just need to tear the second blanket into some vaguely trouser-shaped pieces, and for thread—well, we could just tear up your Sun Summoner robe, it’s useless anyway.”

“Jesper,” Kaz rasps again.

“I’m a genius?”

“No, you’re still an idiot. Why not, though?”

☼

Kaz Brekker disappeared between Sunday and Tuesday night. That’s all Jesper knows, and it’s that precise only because Kaz has been experimenting with the payroll recently. Apparently, handing out wages on late Tuesday maximizes the chances of flushing as much money as possible back into the coffers of Dregs-owned establishments, and he’s also taken to handing out the money personally. Some weird power play that Haskell hasn’t yet forbidden: everyone knows Kaz barely bothers to keep his accomplices informed about the job they’re currently doing, and the big boss tolerates him mostly because Dirtyhands is still more useful insubordinate than dead.

It’s Wednesday now, though. Wednesday afternoon.

And Jesper still hasn’t gotten paid.

Kaz is gone.

Jesper’s in Haskell’s office, inquiring about everyone’s money. Too irritated by the games of Makker’s Wheel he was forced to miss out on last night to perform anything but the most pro forma I remember my boss’ boss is technically my boss and can kill me pleasantries. Instead of promising to kick Kaz’ ass, though, like Jesper hoped, Haskell just tells him Pasko will give him his wages tomorrow.

Haskell won’t say anything else. Just, “That boy got himself mixed up in something he couldn’t handle alone, and it fucked him. You won’t like what you find, when you go looking for the dead.”

[curseofaphrodite]

asTORIA MY BELOVED THE LOVE OF MY LIFE<333 HELLO

our wedding>>>>>>god's wedding ;)

bitch wHAT y'all don't have hindi//sanskrit as a subject???? lucky you😭😭 i had to study hindi compulsory till 8th grade- (hate that subject i swear hate the teacher too ig)

ISTG I BARELY STUDIED FOR MY TESTS BUT IK I STILL DID DECENTLY WELL when you're intelligent and have photogenic memory but give zero efforts for studying>>>

oh oh oh iNEJ GHAFA INEJ GHAFA INEJ GHAFA ‼️ she's mommy i swear sorry i simp for inej nina and kaz- (my biggest flex is that i simped for kaz kaz first not freddy kaz guess that's what happens when you read the books and not watch the tv series 😼🤌)

you have wattpad right?? have you read war of hearts?? it's a kaz brekker story istg it was favourite and i'm pretty sure i read like 4-5 times when i was in my kaz phase- oh well but stasiaj (i hope i spelt her name correctly but in case she's the female protagonist) what a girlboss leave that hot mob and date me pls one of few female ocs who didn't just let go of powerful nature for a goddamn m*n-

but since we're on topic of kaz lemme share my favourite freddy carter picture bc he was my fav white boy of month in february<3

LOOK AT HIM HE LOOKS SO ADORABLE MY HEART SO PRECIOUS 💗💗 istg this isn't the bastard of barrel he's the baby of barrel 🥰✨❤️

(oh that one sence where he threatens a child omg so hot bruise my esophagus for all i care)

honestly hate men i'm so sorry that guy was truly a dumb bitch for rejecting a gem like you

i hugged nyasa for you heheheh

yES YES YES I WEAR RINGS!!! I WEAR 3 RINGS EVERY SINGLE DAY AND IF THERE'S SOME FUNCTION THEN I WOULD ADD MORE RINGS FROM MY RING COLLECTION 😩🙏💍

yk about our farewell (yes i'll sing about it for days cry about it🥰) (#sokind😸🙏) sOO guess who isn't coming

*dramatic pause*

*drum rolls*

✨tina✨

YES SHE ISN'T COMING TO THE FAREWELL NYASA TOLD ME AND I ASKED HER THAT "YOU'RE COMING TO THE FAREWELL NAA🤨" FOR SELF SATISFACTION 😩☝️‼️

honestly ily you literally write a whole ass novel answer to my whole ass novel ask<3

people who write novel long shits together stay together. periodt

well today we did shirt signing and one of my friends drew a mf dick on it😭😭 ffs i was ✨scared✨ that my mum would see it and yell at me but but but my mum ignoring the dick and commenting on every sweet messages and hearts>>>> material girl momma💅

how was your day tho i realised i stopped asking that lmao 😭 take care muah muah

i love you my sweets! ← look how pretty this looks🥲💗

-🔮

p.s. rewarding you with another poem of mine at night bc why not

doing the cut again gahaha

no no i had hindi up until 8th too! i just did very bad but our hindi sir was very lenient. he hardly even checked what he was correcting lol he marked us all as genuises and just gave us A everytime.

PLS youre smart asf and im not surprised. proud of you mwah.

stasiaj sounds like A QUEEN. not me running to wattpad and checking the book. the synopsis sounds so cool; the author is TALENTED ASF.

speaking of talented people, yes freddy mfing carter. he's adorable off screen and the perfect kaz brekker on screen. adorable and kaz in one sentence lol the day is cursed.

PLS PEOPLE WHO WEAR RINGS ARE AUTOMATICALLY THE BEST LIKE I DONT MAKE THE RULES !!!

TINA ISNT COMING YAASSS SUE THAT BISH IM GLAD. at least you'll have a drama free farewell. gimme tea on it tho 💋

shirt signing hakjsha I love your friend and your mom like she sounds nice.

MY DAY WAS OKAY I just woke up and I'm yet to catch up on all the asks so I'm queuing some so I think this would be posted some time in the afternoon?? idk how queues work. i hate math exam next HAHA fml thanks.

THAT DOES LOOK PRETTY MWAHA I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AKSKHKJA

also,

where

is

the

poem 🔪🔪🔪

[hamilsanity]

So I've started watching Peaky Blinders and I couldn't help but notice the similarities (and diferencies) between Thomas Shelby and Kaz Brekker from Six of Crows. So here's a totally uncalled for essay comparing both of them: (a little trigger warning, I will talk about trauma and how that affected these characters' lives)

Part 1: the outside

I guess these are the first dots I connected. Physically, Kaz Brekker is a younger version of Thomas Shelby (at least for me). Except for the eyes (Tommy has blue eyes while Kaz's are dark) they're pretty similar. Also let's take in account the setting for both stories (England in the 20s). So the clothes are also the same! Having said that, let's cover more important things.

Part 2: interactions with other people and their position in life

They are both private people, they are both morally grey characters. They both share the same position: they are gang leaders (the Peaky Blinders for Tommy and the Dregs for Kaz). And, most important, they have reputations. It's the same for both of them. They like to be seen as dangerous and emotionless. They like to give the idea that they are not afraid of anyone. And that's also their shell, their protection against trauma and the world.

And they both have soft spots. For Tommy (first seasons at least) it's Grace and his family. For Kaz, it's Inej and some of the Crows. Those are also their weaknesses sometimes.

Part 3: trauma and living with themselves

Most importantly, these two characters suffer from deep trauma. I'm not gonna spoil Kaz's trauma (you'll have to read SOC for that!), but I will say that it's pretty severe. For Tommy, it is the war and the years he spent fighting in France. For both of them, it's their trauma (along with the reputation they have created in order to hide it) what makes them such dark characters. But what makes them different here is how they coexist with that trauma and how they decide to (and not to) share it and with whom. Tommy tends to share his trauma more often because everyone knows about it and he shared it (his years in war) with some of his friends and brothers. He tries to pretend he isn't affected by it, even though he is, but he doesn't hide his experiences from anyone, basically because he doesn't have that option (everyone knows).

For Kaz it's fairly different. He doesn't tell anyone. No one knows and no one has experienced something like that. He simply pretends not to have any kind of trauma at all. The only person he ends up telling it to is Inej.

They're both also freaking geniuses. They are really smart and really good actors. Although in my opinion, Kaz's is more of a genius than Thomas, thought I might be biased.

Part 4: what the story thinks of the characters

Kaz Brekker is a bad guy. He kills people and is full of hate. He is greedy and violent and the book doesn't try to tell us otherwise. The book says: hey, this is Kaz's trauma. This is why he is why he is. But the book doesn't try to make us feel pity for him (even tho we do anyway). It doesn't try to convince us that Kaz didn't have a choice but to become this dangerous gang leader. Because he did have a choice. The book shows us Inej, that has also suffered from severe trauma but is still a compassionate and overall good person. She had a choice and she decided to not let her past define her. Kaz chose violence and hate, and that's up to him. Yes, he is a victim, but everyone has a choice, and the representation of that is Inej.

On the other hand, the show Peaky Blinders seems (in my opinion) to be trying to make us feel bad for Tommy. He is often being victimized. A lot of characters talk about how before the war he was always smiling and happy. As I see it, the show sometimes tries to justify his actions by talking about how the war has affected him.

Maybe that's not a fair comparison to make, since Kaz Brekker is a 17-year-old child who didn't really have an opportunity to develop a personality outside of his trauma, while Tommy certainly did. I just wanted to point that out, maybe as a little critique to Peaky Blinders.

Part 5: the actual critique to Peaky Blinders.

Tommy Shelby is sexist. That's it. Let's put some examples. (Spoilers from the first season):

Remember that one time Tommy literally sold Grace to this other gang leader? So that guy could have two hours alone with her even though Grace didn't want that? Yeah... That gang guy was about to rape her, and then Tommy appeared and avoided it. While safe in the car with Tommy, Grace told him: you sold me... But you also saved me (while looking at him with dreamy eyes). I hated that scene so much!!! Why is he being treated as the hero?? He literally sold her!!! The fact that he ended up "saving" her doesn't redeem him in any way!

He also had some commentaries about women like: bussines is for men and stuff like that.

I get it: it is a show set in the 20s! Of course it is sexist. Yeah well whatever, I'm sick of that.

Six of Crows is in no way sexist, and has a very similar setting. Kaz Brekker is not sexist, even though he could've so easily been. But Bardugo said: hell to the no with sexism, and I love her for that.

In Thomas' case, I don't know if it's a matter of the show creators or the character himself, but I really would've preferred if he weren't sexist tbh.

Yeah well I think that's it for now, I'm freed now (actually I think I forgot to talk about some things, I'll probably get to that later today). If you have further commentaries on this, feel free to talk about it. Also if you disagree with me in any of the points, speak up! I'd love to hear what you guys think!

Also please read Six of Crows if you haven't yet. It is amazing. And also also, sorry if there are any mistakes with grammar and stuff. English isn't my first language!

[shadow-stars16]

The crows in school(modern)(Singaporean edition)

TW ⚠mentions of eating disorders

Kaz

Kaz dislikes the uniform strongly because he thinks he looks weird in it as the rest of his wardrobe is filled with Black colour clothes except his school uniform. Kaz is always judged by his classmates since he doesn't talks much except to Jesper some girls would even gossip about Kaz and how dangerous he is. Even though with all the gossiping and the dislike from his classmates his teachers were being unhelpful for telling Kaz to just talk to his classmates which doesn't works. Kaz also gets good grades in like every subject and would sometimes help Jesper by giving him to copy his homework only Jesper not other classmates because Jesper is his best friend and only friend. One day Kaz walked passed a group of girls gossiping about him and realised this are his classmates so he went up and asked whether there is any homework. Kaz knew that the girls were gossiping about him he pretends to not hear it and asked the girls if there was any homework. The girls were in shock and one of them replied"errrr.... I don't know ask the teacher I guess." Kaz just replied with alright and he walked away. Kaz also joins a CCA( co cirliculum activity) since it's compulsory so he joins the robotics club with Jesper. Kaz is also adopted by Jesper's parents but he didn't change his last name as Jesper's parents leave it up to him.

Jesper

Jesper is okay with the uniform he just doesn't likes the rule that specifies no jewelry. Jesper compared to Kaz was a litteral mess, his worksheets are all crumpled but in the end he miraculously still managed to pass for many subjects but he does especially well in math. Jesper is not interested in any CCA like litterally no, since CCA is compulsory he is just forced to join one and he joins concert band, he does not enjoy and even skips practices sometimes since his father forced him to join after a year he quits concert band to join robotics club with Kaz. Jesper also occasionally goes to the library to borrow some books to read to Wylan generally Jesper is a chaotic mess and he scores mostly B's. Jesper also takes D&T( design and technology) as one of his subjects, he likes D&T and always finishes his work faster than anyone in his class(usually a few lessons ahead of everyone) . Even though he can finish school work on his area of interest he struggles with other subjects and often seek help from Kaz or Wylan or he just doesn't cares at all. To be honest he just seeks help because he needs to move on to the next level or else he gets retained.

Inej

Inej is the girl who much prefer to wear PE(physical education) attire than uniform because the PE shorts are way more comfortable than the skirt. Inej scores well for all PE assessments like no shit she's even better than the guys. She is in volleyball as that's one of the only sports CCA girls can join. Inej likes to play volleyball but hates her CCA mates. Most students in volleyball are just the mean girl type and Inej hates them to the core. Inej is also a really polite student which makes her many teachers favorites which make her look stuck up. Since inej scores really well for PE and she cares about it, she is her PE's teacher favorite student. Since inej is also a minority in Singapore she oftenly get makes fun of because of her skin colour and she chooses to ignore it. Inej mostly gets a B4 or a B3 for every class. Inej also goes to other sports class outside school such as taekwondo( Korean martial arts which involves like self defence) (if there is any of y'all who know more about taekwondo even more than me feel free to correct if I'm wrong). Sometimes Inej secretly wished that she had a lighter skin tone so she wouldn't be made fun of.

Nina

Nina is a really loud and popular girl in school, she's okay with school uniform and doesn't bother too much about them either. Nina have a lot of friends and has a huge Instagram following, she doesn't has the best grades for school to be honest she always just gets a C5 or a B4 and tends to fail one or two subjects. Nina also tends to joke around with teachers which some of the teachers don't mind. Before she was this loud and popular girl in school, she suffered from body image issues and had an eating disorder because of bullying from her classmates,since now she's a little slimmer than before and also transfered school as her classmates from her previous school makes fun of her body. Nina does not really care about school she genuinely cares for her friends and spends time writing cards to her friends for maybe the start of school or end of school since she had so many friends. Even though Nina doesn't seem like she cares about school she does do her homework all the time and does pretty okay for test. Nina finds a special interest in biology though for some reason maybe because of her heart rendering powers, but Nina wants to be a social media influencer which kinda had nothing to do with school. As Nina's popularity grows people thought that Nina was mean when they first started befriending her but it is not she just has too many friends and hangs out oftenly with only a few friends. Nina's Instagram stories are all filled with memories of her going out with her friends and talking about mental health everytime she talks about mental health she looses a couple of friends even though she feels sad about it, she knows that they are not mean to be and they should go. The closest friends she kept by her side all supported everything she did and she returns the support to them too. Nina's CCA is concert band and she plays the trumpet she likes concert band as it is fun and enjoyable.

Matthias

Matthias does not feel anything about the school uniform. Matthias is mostly very loyal to his friends he isn't the super popular type of guys but he has a few friends and his life works out fine with them. One particular not so masculine trait about Matthias is he likes cooking but he doesn't lets others know since they might think that he's gay. He scores pretty much like an B3 to an A1 for any subject that he takes. Matthias is the type of guy who sticks to a routine like waking up earlier just to work out or go for a run at like 4am and sleeping at like 8pm. Matthias rarely post on Instagram most of his post were only just workout stuff or his pictures when he occasionally went out. Matthias does half his homework when he is eating breakfast the other half from the previous night. He doesn't enjoy waking up this early and wished school would start later but he knew working out in the morning is better than working out after school. Matthias is in NCC( national cadet cops) a uniform group CCA, Matthias is also really good at PE like Inej. A lot of teachers like him because he is very hard working and puts a lot of effort into his work. Matthias also takes F&N( food and nutrition) , he usually gets really good grades. He is partnered with Inej for F&N and they usually come out as one of the best in class, they are a really productive duo and they know how to complement each other as friends.

Wylan

Wylan looks really cute in school uniform for some reason every feature of his just complements the school uniform and Jesper compliment him about it everyday. Wylan is a very smart person he gets like A2 or A1 for basically every subject and particularly excels in music he usually gets near to full marks for every music test and he is very happy about that even though his father is not the most happy about that since he should be scoring as well for his other subjects so he can inherit his wealth. Jesper and Wylan hangs out all the time in school they usually hang out at Jesper's house after school and he helps Jesper with his homework. Sometimes during the school holidays Wylan would come over for a sleep over and Jesper, Kaz and Wylan would just talk forever. Kaz can talk to Wylan about architecture building and how much is some art piece worth and they all chat happily together. Ones they decided they are going to go to bed, Jesper takes out Wylan's favorite book and reads it to him until he falls asleep. Wylan finds Jesper's voice mesmerising and could call asleep just by Jesper reading stories to him.

[hermywolf]

ranking my favorite characters about random shit part 2

ranking my favorite characters (clarke griffin, dean winchester, fox mulder, rose tyler, newt, kaz brekker, samwise gamgee, charles xavier, bill denbrough, lord asriel, steve rogers, scott mccall, anna milton and barry berkman) about random shit. this is entirely self-indulgent

PART 2 : how many allies do they have/how powerful are their allies. basically how screwed they’d be if they had to rely on their allies to survive

1- DEAN WINCHESTER

yeah believe it or not im putting him before charles or steve. listen, listen; dean just. does this thing. in which he’ll get pretty much anyone on his side after like two conversations. ESPECIALLY incredibly powerful supernatural creatures. i mean he’s got sam, aka the second best hunter on earth, and jack, literally GOD, on his side; then obviously the dean winchester simp squad, castiel, a seraph and commander of garrisons who can get heaven to fight for him; benny, a vampire; crowley, a powerful crossroad demon and the king of hell; amara, literally THE DARKNESS HERSELF, god’s SISTER; and then there’s just SO many others who will fight for him for diverse reasons, rowena, eileen, claire, jody, donna, kaia, mary, anna, gabriel, DEATH HIMSELF was his bitch before billie, then ketch charlie kevin, he’s just got so many allies and so many are some of the most powerful creatures in the universe. i mean, jack, amara and gabriel alone are three of the most powerful beings who have ever existed, as well as billie and the other archangels but all of them are dead, and chuck but he’s also dead and even he would be on dean’s side since dean is his favorite and if it’s an actual life-threatening situation chuck would want the show to keep going. so yeah dean winchester’s got the biggest defense squad imaginable and honestly? good for him, he deserves it

2- CHARLES XAVIER

do i even have to say it? outside of his ability to. you know. literally control minds, he’s also a leader who inspires loyalty and trust, and he’s got all the x-men fighting for him, including jean and logan - and even if we’re being honest some of the brotherhood, i mean especially in the first class timeline, erik and raven would absolutely be on his side. he’s got some of the most powerful mutants of all time ready to fight for his life

3- STEVE ROGERS

I mean he’s the leader of the avengers, man. have you seen the avengers assemble scene? they were fighting against thanos there but don’t try to tell me all of them wouldn’t fight for him. he’s got the falcon, black widow and the winter soldier on his side as well as the SCARLET WITCH, CAPTAIN MARVEL, THOR, do i need to keep going. he’s got a huge reputation and everyone knows and trusts him. and as we can also see in all his movies he inspires loyalty and devotion easily so even with people he doesn’t know he can get himself a loyal army in one well-delivered speech à la captain america

4- KAZ BREKKER

while most of the people on this list (steve, scott, charles, dean, bill, newt, anna) are born leaders who inspire trust and loyalty, kaz is just. really good at blackmail and insanely smart and cruel. and he’s got an insanely scary reputation too. he’s got the crows on his side no matter what, so an amazing spy, the best sharpshooter in ketterdam, a grisha who survived parem, an ex-drüskelle, and a demolition expert; as well as now the entirety of the dregs and inej’s crew, probably. plus, he most likely has leverage on the entirety of ketterdam and more. if he got in real trouble he could probably dig out the years and years of blackmail he got stacked away and get himself allyships with anyone he wants. plus his allies are ruthless, diverse and all strategically selected

5- SCOTT MCCALL

he’s got his entire pack ready to jump to help him anytime. and really when you think about it his pack is so big and diverse, there’s all kinds of creatures/skills ready to help him, plus he’s a true alpha, any werewolf would jump to his aid. I mean let’s look at his pack, stiles, allison, lydia, derek, malia, isaac, kira, hayden, mason, corey, and then of course stilinski, deaton, melissa, chris and peter, i mean even theo... he’s got a huge pack who is extremely loyal to him and they’re all kinds of creatures too, he’s fine

6- ROSE TYLER

everyone loves rose SO much. like obviously the doctor will give his life for her without hesitation but we also got jack, mickey, jackie, and even a bunch of people she met for like a couple episodes like donna or sarah jane immediately loved her. so i think she’s ultimately got some pretty solid allies especially with her father’s wealth and torchwood’s support in the alternate reality

7- CLARKE GRIFFIN

im putting her pretty down because on one hand he’s got very powerful/devoted allies on her side, like bellamy, lexa, roan, nyilah, finn, wells, etc (the key of getting your allies to be entirely devoted and loyal to you is to make at least half of them fall in love with you OR to top them so good they’ll literally put their lives down for you because of how good it was and clarke got that down to an art) BUT they’re also like. all dead. like almost all the people i just listed are dead so. yeah she’s kinda on her own in the end but if we look at early seasons clarke before literally all of them got murdered she had skaikru, azgeda and trikru pretty much in her pocket, so three of the biggest/most technically advanced armies on EARTH ready to fight for her.

8- LORD ASRIEL

now he doesn’t have actual allies per say but he can manage to get pretty much anyone on his side through charisma, threats and promises, so he ends up steadily getting massive support from witches, angels and many others in the books. he can pretty easily get himself a bunch of followers at his side ready to die for his cause.

9-SAMWISE GAMGEE

now listen he does have a pretty solid bunch of allies, aka the entire fellowship, who they, themselves, have a bunch of allies, who have a bunch of allies. i mean homeboi’s got ARAGORN and LEGOLAS and GANDALF on his side all ready to jump to save the tiny hobbits anytime so he’ll be fine.

10- BILL DENBROUGH

he’s immediately got the losers on his side, which is a win because they’re stubborn and annoying enough that they defeated an alien demonic clown. plus they’re quite literally assembled by a divinity to destroy a demon, so they’re the perfect team to kick ass and they’ll risk their lives for each other. plus he’s got a fanbase! people read his books and watch his movies. meaning he’s probably got a pretty big part of stan twt ready to help?? idk man i just think he’ll be fine when it comes to allies

11- NEWT

he’s got the entire glade ready to jump to his aid pretty much at any time, i mean let’s be honest if there’s one person all the gladers would agree on defending it would be.. ok it would be chuck bc he’s a CHILD but otherwise it’d be newt. plus he’s alby’s second in command and even gally likes him and respects him more than he likes and respects most people, which isnt much but hey kudos for the effort. anywho yeah the entire glade would defend him i think

12- ANNA MILTON

she would’ve once had the entirety of heaven at her commands ready to smite anyone who comes close to her but now that she fell and rebelled they all want her dead so. i mean i wish i could say cas would help her but after he betrayed her im not so sure? and the winchesters well idk either, maybe, maybe not, depends whether or not the entire trying-to-kill-sam ordeal happened. gabriel might help her? idk where to put her because i don’t KNOW if cas, dean, gabriel or the angels would help her but if any of them did then even one of these is a pretty solid backup so. idk man

13- FOX MULDER

im only on season 4 but as far as i can see he’s got only scully. which is pretty solid backup, she can kick ass, but still. i guess it’s one of the downsides of everyone thinking you’re batshit insane and having the entire government out to get you because they all LOATHE YOUR GUTS SO MUCH

14- BARRY BERKMAN

I mean dude. he pretty much kills all his friends. like he could ask for chris’s help but umm well he killed him, if he’s in a bad situation oh great he’s got a friend at the police except NO he murdered her. what’s that? fuches? no barry’s literally trying to murder him as of now. sally wouldn’t help him at all. cousineau just found out barry murdered his gf. at MOST he can hope that noho hank will help but i mean he’s not much help tbh i love the guy but he’s kinda useless<3

[owlface28]

Top Ten

So I was nominated (It’s nominated right?) by @hms-chill I don’t know how long ago to give you guys my top ten characters from books, movies, Tv, ect.. So here goes

1) Prince Henry of Wales Red, White, & Royal Blue - so Henry gets spot number one because how could he not. I relate to him so much. he made me feel like there was maybe someone that got me and for that, he gets spot 1.(and a mean don’t we all love a disaster gay?)

2) King Damianos  Captive Prince - I read these books only two days ago and this lovely, idiotic, hot, bisexual disaster has fought his way into my heart. He loves his people and his friends and Laurent so much and he is always so loyal. He’s just amazing.

3) Amani Al’Hiza Rebel of the Sands - Amani is amazing. she is strong, brave, loving, kind. she finds herself in places that she thought she never would. she’s willing to do almost anything for the country that she loves.

4) Inej Ghafa Six of Crows - Badass, level headed, resilient need I say more. I just... *clenches fist* love her so much

5) Lou Diggory Serpent & Dove - She makes the best of a shitty shitty situation and thrives. she saves the people that she loves the most. she fights to save those she loves even when they don’t appreciate it.

6) Audry Rose Wadsworth Stalking Jack the Ripper - She’s amazing. She’s smart. She makes her own way. She stands on her own.

7) Neil Josten All for the Game - This boy gives me so much anxiety but he’s also one of the most calculating people ever and that just floors me. His acting and ability in almost everything is just impressive yet depressing at the same time because you know he has to learn those things to survive.

 8) Lila Bard A Darker Shade of Magic - I love her so much. Her desire to travel and see the world is so strong. Her desire to travel is ever-present but she’s willing to put her dreams on hold if necessary. 

9) Tessa Gray The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Her ability to adapt and fight through is admirable. Her love for books is completely relatable. and I may or may not be completely jealous of her ability to land to really fucking hot men.

10) Enne Salta The Shadow Game - This lovely, amazing, calculating, backstabbing, bitch. Her desires and her hopes are paramount to all for her and I love her and hate her for it.

(GOd i’m soooo lazy I honestly feel ashamed that its taken this long but oh well)

ah um people to do this now well @bibliothesoph @luci-cunt @literallylen and whoever else wants to do this I guess